I don’t know if I’d really ask or expect you to do it, especially if you don’t know the lyrics or more importantly know me well enough to have a sense of how I read and interpret them.
Hell, I am not sure if there is anyone who could do it the way I wanted or if there are a dozen because I lack perspective or maybe I don’t.
Maybe I know exactly who and what I am or maybe I don’t.
Last night I paced the house for longer than I care to admit and tried to figure out solutions to a couple of situations.
And then came daylight and frustration with people and circumstances that created chaos.
I thought of turning back and calling it a day and then decided I would hit the wall full speed and see what happened.
Somehow it crumbled and collapsed or maybe I just happened to find a door or window. I don’t have patience to poke around and figure out the how so I went with the what- I got it done.
I found success, at least for a moment.
When Is A Degree In Math Worthless?
A certain teenage girl had a disagreement with me and got more upset because I laughed.
She didn’t stick around long enough for me to explain I wasn’t laughing at her and probably wouldn’t have believed that something about it reminded me of a fight with dad a thousand years ago.
I was telling him how dumb I thought some school requirements were and it led to us yelling at each other.
“When is a degree in math worthless! C’mon big shot, tell me all you know about the world.”
I think I was around 16 which means that dad was about 41 or in other words, close to a decade younger than I am now.
It is kind of funny to think about how 41 almost sounds young now because back then he was really old.
Since I was young and dumb old didn’t always equate with wise or knowledgeable so I was certain that I knew almost as much as he did.
Almost meaning that I figured he was smarter than me based upon his age having allowed for more time to go to school. Life experience didn’t have any meaning to me yet.
I didn’t want to hear him tell me about he had thought about being a dentist, worked for an electrician or suggest that if I worked a little harder at math I could consider becoming an engineer.
“Don’t fool yourself into thinking engineering is boring or that it can’t provide a good career. A lot of your friends have fathers who have done very well. Aerospace is pretty solid here.”
I don’t know how solid aerospace is in Southern California now, but he was right, it was a good place to be back then.
And he was right in general about a bunch of other stuff too.
Every time I play that message I think about calling but if he answers it might scare the hell out of me.
I don’t know what dad wanted to talk to me about. It is from March of this year and for some reason I didn’t delete it.
Now I am glad I didn’t because it is nice to hear his voice.
That ‘call me as soon as possible’ doesn’t give away anything. There is no edge in his voice from anger, fear or sadness.
No hint of whether it was about a meeting with a doc, question about a movie or suggestion for what tool to use to take care of a particular job.
So now I am stuck with Johnny and some Scotch, taking it day by day and sometimes hour by hour.
Sometimes You Have To Step Out
Today serves as a good reminder of the importance of being willing to step out of our comfort zone.
Sometimes you have to ignore your hair being on fire and let your beard grow long and thick. It feels uncomfortable and awkward but sometimes that feeling is better described as a growing pain.
Sometimes that sense of being on the outside looking in is important because it means you have taken action and are trying something new.
Or so I try to convince myself. 😉
Maybe it is the Scotch or maybe it is the writer in me that appreciates lyrics with meaning but I find myself thinking of Weekend in New England.
I hear that bit about the change coming and the wind blowing. I feel something in the air and maybe that is part of why the moment from earlier today was so disconcerting.
Maybe it is because I like change that happens at my pace and not another.
Got lots to think about and consider, but the one thing I know for certain now is how to answer the question my dad asked long ago.
“That degree is worth quite a bit dad, quite a bit. But it all depends on how you use it because quite a bit can also be almost nothing. It is all about potential, filled and unfilled.”