They asked if I could provide more details about this post and I told them I would think about it.
Trust Is Overrated
Sometimes the most important thing you can do is keep your own counsel because promises are made by people who can’t or won’t keep them.
That is a pretty hard edge to maintain and something that I have followed from time to time because experience has taught me it is a safer stance to maintain.
Keep your doors locked, stay guarded and refrain from opening them and you’re less likely to be disappointed by people.
Less likely to feel like you have been stabbed, beaten and abused by others and more able to just go about your business without interference.
The last time I mentioned I sometimes prefer this approach they told me I was living a very lonely life but I just shook my head and smiled.
Not because there weren’t moments where I felt the gap because there were. I have lived alone and know what it means to spend the holidays by myself.
I know what it is like to celebrate a birthday with nothing but a store bought cake and a stale beer.
But I also know the joy of solitude and splendor of silence both of which are true pleasures.
And I know how to find places with people and companionship if and when I felt like I required it.
Lessons We Learn
One day the kids will read some of these posts and gather what lessons they can. And if they go as others go some of these will make them wonder and think about what lies beneath the surface.
That is ok with me as not every post is intended to be read one particular way or another.
Not to mention that no matter how carefully I try to spell some things out there will be people who take my words as meaning something very different from my intent.
That used to irritate me because my command of the language is strong enough that I felt responsible for any misunderstanding readers had.
It seemed irresponsible to point fingers at others and suggest they didn’t recognize when I was serious versus when I was being silly.
But experience proved me wrong there.
If I said “I will always love you” it was taken as a farewell and not a statement.
When I said “Anything is possible if we work together” it wasn’t taken seriously and was interpreted as me blowing someone off.
So I learned that it didn’t matter what I said and that the only way some people would ever understand was if we were face-to-face.
Fragments and Flim Flam
This isn’t much of a post.
It is really just fragments and flim flam.
Instead of it being educational, entertaining and informative it is just a disjointed collection of ramblings and whispers.
There ought to be a beginning, a middle and an end but it is not.
Can’t say whether it is because I am exhausted by the race or if it is because this is the moment where I am taking a deep breath because I see the wave about to break upon my head and haven’t the time to do better.
Maybe it is all of it and maybe it is none of it.
Or maybe it is equally true and false.
All I know is I have planted my feet and set my shoulder against the giant boulder I am pushing up the hill.
If I don’t lose my grip and I maintain the momentum I have created I will see this fucking rock go sailing down the other side and I’ll have the choice to run down after at my pace or to stroll.
Either way is fine with me because I will have accomplished something noteworthy, significant and of paramount importance.
And should I slip and have that sucker roll back down over me, well I will be less than pleased but I won’t back down.
I have come too far and worked too hard for that.