The docs say not to worry because there is a reason for internal bleeding and though it is not what they call a good thing it is not necessarily a bad thing either.
During the course of exploration and fact finding their Lewis & Clark moment consists of finding a shadow or two that have no name…yet.”
“Are you worried?”
“Should I be? It might not be anything.”
“It could be something, I am not so relaxed.”
“It is not accurate to say I am not worried nor that I am. I am roaming the shadow lands.”
Why Worry About A Shadow
It is almost 14 years since I boarded a plane from LA bound for New Jersey not knowing what I would find waiting on the other side.
Fourteen years since I stood by a hospital bed and said out loud, “you and me Reaper. I’ll give you the most unfair fair fight you have ever had. Try me and I’ll back up every last word.”
It was the foolish bravado of a 35 year-old but I don’t regret it and I’d say it/do it again if needed.
Sometimes I wonder if that slimy bastard has tried to sneak past me and pull a trick.
Sometimes I feel like I can see something out of the corner of my eye and I slowly turn my head hoping to catch him in the act so that I can thrash that old bag of bones.
Don’t know that I can do anything more about that particular shadow than the kind found on a doctor’s expedition, but I like to think I can.
Might be silly, might be foolish and it might be narishkeit but we take what we can where we can and use it as we must to get past the hard moments.
Some moments are harder than others and we don’t always know why or how, just that they are.
Still, when you have no reason to worry there is little use in buying trouble you don’t have.
Wordless Communication
In the midst of it all I take a deep breath and know no one knows which way to go to any better than the next.
Some may do a better job of pretending to, but they still don’t know
There is no map, no Cliff notes, bread crumbs or signs that provide a definitive path.
At best they provide general information on what direction to head but it doesn’t relieve us of the task of making choices.
All we can do is take the information we have and do the best we can with it knowing that in very few situations are we gifted with the ability to know what will happen if we go right, left or stay in place.
Today I pledge again not to worry about the shadow until and unless a reason arises and promise to take chances I haven’t taken in the past because I feared the consequences.
There is no reward without risk.
