When Leigh Dumbass asked me what I thought of him I said I don’t.
That didn’t satisfy him so he pressed me to give him the real truth.
“Mom said if I have nothing nice to say I should keep my mouth shut.”
Still he pressed on so I obliged and suggested the next time he went hunting he ought to give the deer a gun or better yet, shoot himself.
“You’re right, that’s not very nice.”
“It’s nicer than saying I hope an angry golfer gives you a colonoscopy with a putter. And it’s nicer than saying cannibals should cook you on your own barbecue you corpulent conman.”
“I can tell you don’t mean it. You’re smiling.”
“It must be true if you believe it. You’re my 32nd favorite putz.”
Two minutes later he waddled over to his truck. Oblivious to oncoming traffic he gunned the engine and cut off three cars.
Fortunately no one was hurt, but it was close.
A Lack Of Civility
I listened to a man rant and rave about my home state and the giant cesspool across the country for about seven minutes too long and made the mistake of making eye contact.
As soon as our eyes locked upon each other I knew things weren’t going to go well because I knew he expected me to give him a ‘hell yeah’ or some other remark that supported his comments.
“I know you have to agree with me, we ought to cut off funding for those jerks.”
“I am a Dodgers fan and I love the Lakers.”
I said it with a smile but my eyes were flat.
He made a crack about the Dodgers losing and how that proved LA was filled with losers. I smiled and asked if he wanted to hear about World Series championships my beloved boys in blue had won or the 16 championships the Lakers brought home.
Sports talk didn’t defuse the situation as I had hoped it would and he launched into a new tirade about sanctuary cities, liberals, guns and Trump.
“The president is a dolt who has accomplished nothing. More than 80 people have died from gun violence in two months and more than a half dozen women have accused him of sexual assault. Not to mention his candidate in Alabama likes little girls.”
He called me an asshole and said I wasn’t a real American.
I laughed and told him I am not the jerk who voted for a man who dumb, deranged and demented.
The lack of civility troubles me a little bit.
Most of the time I am pretty good about avoiding these silly exchanges because there is no upside.
There is nothing noble in helping a man like that hoist himself on his own petard.
All it did was highlight my frustration with some other things has boiled over a bit.
The lack of help and the realization about how long it might take before we get to exit this particular road hit home the other day.
I am built for the long haul and to take whatever is thrown at me but it doesn’t prevent or preclude certain feelings.
Moments where I look backwards and consider choices made and roads not taken as being particularly…wrong.
Or maybe not.
Maybe they were right.
You can’t ever tell without going through certain doors what lies behind them.
Would life be better or worse if you:
- Took the job.
- Quit the job.
- Married the other girl.
- Didn’t marry anyone.
- Traveled around the world.
- Didn’t travel anywhere and saved every nickel, dime and penny.
I think I can answer some and know I can’t answer others but it doesn’t matter.
Forward is the only direction or if you are me, it is sort of a squiggly line that moves forward but only after two steps back, three to the side and a couple at an angle.
****
You can attribute some of this to the most recent episode of This Is Us.
They filmed a bunch of it at my high school. Something about seeing the track and football field reminded me about the old dream of being a sportswriter and how that changed.
Carry That Weight
Sometimes you carry that weight a long time and never realize how heavy it is and sometimes you feel like it is crushing you.
I’d say this particular weight is crushing me but the truth is that it is not.
It is really heavy and there are moments when I want to drop it, but I haven’t and I probably won’t. I meant what I said and I am holding fast to it.
Now if only I looked as graceful as the dude in the picture above…
