3 Silly Ways To Impress A Woman

Our course on three silly ways to impress woman begins with a word from a man who claims he has impressed a woman by telling her stories about life between burning rivers and burning logs.

“I had to make her think I was hot so I talked about fire. I would have pulled on her pigtails but she didn’t wear her hair like that so I pulled on her pony tail.”

He must have heard me snickering and shot me a pointed glance.

“The smart money says you have never impressed a woman by saying you would be her second greatest lover. Only a fool applies all of the pressure of being number one. Tell her you’ll be number two and she’ll be intrigued.”

I probably should have kept my mouth shut but I couldn’t help myself.

“You’re stealing my line. I told her I would be the third greatest and that if she submitted I had a shot at being 1.5. And after the last time she kissed me I told her that she would have to wait four years and maybe longer before she could enjoy that experience again.”

He shook his head and told me that was dumb and I told him now he was stealing her lines.

“She thinks I am dumb and crazy but I call that part of my animal magnetism. Keep a banana in your pocket for the monkeys and they’ll always be happy.”

Still Crazy After All These Years

Grabbed a late lunch or a really early dinner the other day and laughed when he said it is clear I am still crazy after all these years.

I am more myself than I have ever been and actively working on becoming more like me because there is no time to be anyone else.

In simpler terms I am focused on writing as much and as often as possible with the kind of honesty that is going to make some people very uncomfortable.

Hell, I might be the most uncomfortable of all, but there is rhythm, pace and purpose to it all.

It is what happens when you hold someone’s hand and somehow the two of you get lost in the madness.

Somewhere between now and then you wonder how it is you have come to be spinning out of control like a magic top that never loses speed.

And as you search for a something to hold onto, a constant you can focus upon you ask yourself the hard questions about what you have been doing and whether the experience you think you had is real or a fabrication of your imagination.

So you turn on some Peter Frampton and listen to Do You Feel Like We Do and Show Me The Way thinking maybe the magic of the music will provide some sort of answers.

But all you get is this sense that you know the answers and you stare at the night sky looking for the north star that once lit up the night and ask for a chance to find out more.

Perhaps illumination will come or perhaps you’ll continue to sit in darkness and search for another path.

Running Towards Danger

I knew a guy who was married four times.

“Brother, you do know you can find women who will provide companionship without a ring. Your track record suggests it might be wise to go looking for one.”

He laughed and told me it took him four times to find a woman who made him believe in the Walt Whitman quote above.

“What about you?”

I smiled and told him some people go running towards danger and others skip.

“Which are you?”

“It depends. Sometimes I am a runner and sometimes I am a skipper. Most of the time I like to be a sashayer. That is how I am going to walk through Cleveland, I am going to sashay.”

“I don’t know why you’d say that, but ok.”

“If I go to Cleveland I have a few places I’ll stop at, but top of the list is the Rock and Roll HOF. If I go there I am not going to be like everyone else and dance. Nah, I’ll sashay.”

“Josh, you are a weird guy.”

“It is better than being normal or maybe that is what all crazy and broken people say.”

“Do you really think you are broken?”

“Nope, but if I want to be a writer it makes for a better bio. Artists are always broken. No one wants to read the words of the completely sane. It makes people feel better to think the best prose come from someone who hasn’t got their shit together. That gives them room to ignore the advice.”

Music Break

Lost & Found

I need to find a doc here in Texas because I have to get myself checked out.

Got a few things that aren’t working as they should and am getting tired of powering my way through it all.

Truth is I am too damn stubborn to just give up and give in about a lot of things but that doesn’t mean I have to do everything the hard way.

Might be the miles and hard living 0r it might be something that can be tweaked and adjusted so I might as well find out.

Can’t really tell the kids to be smart and not try to follow my own advice.

Ok, that is not true, it is pretty damn easy and I do it without a second thought.

But it seems to me that if I can find some simple solutions that lead to a better quality of life that is worth the investment.

Sometimes you don’t know how much you have lost until you have done taken steps to see if it can be found again.

You either hold out your hand and take a chance or accept your circumstances.

I put another 5 mile walk in today and know that I don’t have to finish it looking like Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett show.

Might just be the lack of sleep and not being in the kind of shape I could be in or it might be something else.

We shall see…maybe.

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