Certain conversations and situations were much easier years ago because I once was considered a virtual superheros whose promise and word weren’t questioned.
Life hadn’t yet provided reasonable doubt of my abilities and potential to demonstrate that I wasn’t engaged in false promises and silly talk.
It was a time when I didn’t have conversations like Luke and Master Yoda do below.
When The Indictments Come Raining Down
I do nothing but focus on the words that are being shared. No interruption or distraction is allowed because the conversation is too important.
It doesn’t take long for the indictments to come raining down and for me to wonder how many of them I must own.
Part of me wants to run and hide. Part of me can’t believe this is happening and wonders how much more of a beating is necessary.
There will be no running or hiding and not because it is impossible to do but because the only way to get through is to be accountable and responsible.
Nothing gets better without that.
Still there is a moment where it is time to say my piece and point out inconsistencies and to clear the record. A time to say I don’t just give up and walk away, even if others do.
So I do my best impression of a lighthouse and share the clip and adapt the famous quote to the situation.
For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.
I know how ridiculous it is to some to try to use a fictional character to illuminate the black night, but I don’t limit myself to convention.
Remember, I am the guy who has a plan to defeat any animal you name in single combat. I am the guy who knows things about life because I have had a few experiences.
I haven’t just passed through the night, I have lived through a few things and not all because I chose or wanted to.
In this case experience isn’t supposed to demonstrate character because the other party won’t see that. But maybe, just maybe they’ll see that flame in the evening sky and recognize experience is what enabled me to put it there.
“I don’t believe it,”
Those four words are crushing, and I feel like some pirate wizard has slashed my sails full of holes and stolen the wind.
“And that is why you fail.”
Unlike Yoda I don’t say the words out loud, but I hear them ring inside my head and wonder if there is any way for me to grab an oar here to help start the rowing.
There isn’t, so all I have is the echo of the indictments that have come raining down upon my head and way too much time to think about how the support I hoped to get never came.
Take Better Care Of Yourself
The doc tells me I ought to focus on taking better care of myself.
“Doc, I am either going to live to be a 130 or die in a shorter amount of time. Won’t matter, either way I’ll be dead and life will go on.”
“You can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself. You don’t want heart issues or other problems.”
“No worries doc, I had my heart removed when they pulled my appendix out last summer.”
He gives a wry smile and tells me to remember that I don’t want to be one of those senior citizens who has ample health issues if I can avoid it.
We talk about a few tests and I tell him some will have to wait because I don’t have any one to drive me.
The echoes of the conversation and others float through my head, some demanding more attention than others.
The Toddler-In-Chief and his feckless band of fools are making decisions about the nation based not upon what is good for people but what is good for re-election.
They aren’t focused upon building a plan for the collective good because far too many of them have no skin in the game.
Sure, that election I mentioned is part of it but they don’t worry about whether the plan they kill or try to provide is going to help people be proactive about their health.
So it makes it easy to try and do what is easy and not to focus upon what is right.
Can’t say there isn’t some fear and uncertainty surrounding that particular line of thought because those tests may not be as easily accessible later.
More importantly, there is no guarantee that our health won’t change and that money will play far too big a role in what kind of care we get or don’t get.
Better take a moment to hit the gym and to do something to take the edge off, Twain’s quote is much more amusing when it’s not so…accurate.
Echo In My Head
There is a strange blend of heartbreak and hope inside my head that stems from the conversation.
Echoes of the indictment pinball around and I focus upon validity and perception.
They may be factually incorrect and inaccurate but the perception lends truth and whether the veneer is made of finery or falsehood matters not.
It would be easy to allow low expectations to drive the bus but I simply can’t do that, not here, not now.
Because it would lead to a deep, dank and dark place.\
Holes that swallow sunlight don’t provide much opportunity for improving things so I have to find a different way.
Have to keep going, regardless of situation and circumstance.
Got to make like Yoda says.
Do. Or do not. There is no try.