Some people choose a profession and sometimes a profession chooses you.
You can say I live in a hybrid world where I write because I like to and because I have to. Asking me not to write is like asking me to stop breathing,
Asking me not to write is like asking me to stop breathing, eventually it is going to happen but not because I decide to stop.
It is a going to happen because one or both of the mighty muscles that keep everything going here will tire and give up.
The brain will short circuit and or the heart will throw a rod and that will be all. Fade to black, no more clickety-clack of the typewriter.
No more ding, no more muttered curses about stories that don’t flow freely and words that don’t work.
But one thing will never change, the critics will still share their list of concerns and complaints. Won’t matter if I am around to hear or read them either, they’ll say what they have to say.
Take It To The Limit
Got The Eagles singing Take It To The Limit on my headphones and smile on my face that makes people wonder what the hell I am thinking.
It is the one that friends and family look at and wonder if now is the time to strap on their seat belts or walk away because they know I have made a decision to go forward.
The one that says “I may have heard what you said but I have made a conscious decision to do as I choose to to do.”
And if they were to ask me for further explanation I would say they need to stop reading between the lines or have a conversation in person because they must need clarity.
I am used to living without the sort of clarity and understanding I want and sometimes wonder if that is a good or bad thing for a writer to have.
That is because my mind will always fill in the blanks and create a story for any and every situation I encounter.
In times of turmoil and transition it happens with more frequency and depth, but I never lose sight of reality.
I pay attention to what happens or doesn’t happen and focus on doing what I have to do to move from shaky to stable ground.
A Peaceful Easy Feeling
One song fades out and the guitar licks from the next lead down a new path.
Got a to-do list a mile long that keeps intruding on the quiet moment I am trying to take and it occurs to me that my children will probably never understand or relate to the picture of the cassette above.
A flash of a past memory rises to the surface and I hear The Man In Black tell Inigo Montoya to get used to disappointment.
It makes me smile because of the movie and in a tinge of bittersweet thought, recognition I have gotten used to disappointment.
Some things just aren’t going to be and point wishing, hoping or dreaming that they will be isn’t likely to change them.
So I move on and walk away from the thought knowing I can’t predict the future and that any choices or decisions I make now can be changed or adjusted by life.
The funny thing is in the midst of it the music changes again but instead of The Eagles I get Elmer Bernstein and the theme to The Magnificent Seven.
That only makes that smile I mentioned earlier get bigger and broader because it is the kind of theme music I love.
Big dopey man loves the hero/heroes who overcome crazy odd to save the day and will use that to motivate himself over and over again.
But there is the flip side, the one that loves movies like Logan and songs like Hurt.
Or this clip
A Writer’s Life
When I left LA the last time I heard my own “Shane come back” but went ahead because I knew it had to be done.
I got my share of comments and criticisms and more than a few suggested I was making a mistake but I ignored them because it was their fear and their uncertainty that they were trying to lay upon mine.
There was no risk for them and they would not suffer or benefit by my choices.
It reminded me a bit of the comments and criticism that sometimes come via email or blog comment.
They tell me their interpretation of what I have written, how I should think or feel and or offer guidance on how I should act.
Sometimes I nod my head because it makes sense and or I appreciate being shown a different perspective but sometimes I have to shake it.
Because sometimes they tell me to stop writing or that if I am going to write I ought to do it differently and I laugh.
Laugh because there is no obligation to read and the only reason they are responding is because they choose to read. I am not standing over them and forcing them to do anything.
Read or don’t read, it is their choice and I have nothing to do with it…other than put words on a page.
דער מענטש טראַכט און גאָט לאַכט.
Der mentsh trakht un Got lakht. Man plans and God laughs.
Back at the keyboard I whisper the words in a soft voice and smile again.
It is said as gently as I know how and with a touch of irony and wonder.
We have free will but there are things that happen that make no sense to me and make me wonder what else goes on in the universe.
I have learned that things I thought could never happen sometimes can and that has been a mixed bag.
Life is challenging but pretty damn good and I am doing my best to live mine as best I can. Can’t plan for everything so I just try to roll with the punches and laugh.
Not to mention write, when the damn muse shows up I do my best to let the words run as they will and to see where they take me.
It is a hell of a ride.