I don’t expect most people to read A Seder Of One because I don’t expect most people to read any of this.
They are busy living their lives and doing their thing and I get it, ‘cuz if it doesn’t slap us in the face we have a tendency to ignore things.
Well, I have been slapped in the face more than once, hell far more than twice and that is why I am hanging with Willie again.
The postman delivers a past due bill notice
And the alarm clock rang two hours late
The garbage man left all the trash on the sidewalk
And the hinges fell off of the gate
And this morning at breakfast I spilled on the coffee
And I opened the door on my knee
Got a few more things I could add to that list that are of more significant than spilled coffee. Looked up at the sky, shook my head and then shook my fist because I didn’t know what else to do with it all.
‘Cuz sometimes you go through something and find yourself muttering “really” as an expletive, question and just a comment.
Since it left me feeling somewhere between dumb, numb and ridiculous I let Willie keep singing and that man found another song that made me snort.
I’ve got a long list of real good reasons
For all the things I’ve done
I’ve got a picture in the back of my mind
Of what I’ve lost and what I’ve won
I’ve survived every situation
Knowing when to freeze and when to run
And regret is just a memory written on my brow
And there’s nothing I can do about it now.
I’ve got a wild and a restless spirit
I held my price through every deal
I’ve seen the fire of a woman’s scorned
Turn her heart of gold to steel
A while back I was asked how I was doing and I responded with a, “you really want to know” and was told I could say whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t complain.
I shook my head at them and walked away because I had no interest in pretending at I was feeling “happy-go-lucky” when I felt like someone had pushed me over the side of the Grand Canyon.
Sure I have a perfect record of surviving every bad day I have ever had but that doesn’t mean I am particularly interested in pretending things are perfect ‘cuz right now they suck.
That is the technical term, “suck” that is and it suits me just fine because I am spitting blood about some things and ready to scream at people.
So instead of telling them how awful they are and or suggesting they put on a blindfold and wander in traffic I choose not to speak to them.
I See Stars
It will be a bit before I can say much about San Antonio other than it was…hard.
But I don’t want to speak about it other than to say that I prefer flying out of and into DFW. Love is a battle field, or airport or something like that.
I keep scratching my head because I feel like I am so damn close to getting to where and to what I want.
So little has to happen to make me smile like I haven’t smiled in forever. It is not much of a task yet the thing is there are certain hiccups that are determined to keep a perpetual scowl on my face.
Can’t be surprised that all my hair has fallen out or that I look like I am in late forties, this sort of stress is hard on a body.
Look they say certain things build character and that experience yields wisdom but I don’t feel like I am in need of either.
Got plenty of character and enough wisdom for now.
Stood on the fourth floor of the parking structure and wondered if I could jump between buildings.
Was fairly certain that 25 years ago I could do it, running start and no fear would send me sailing through the air.
Thought about trying it now and knew that if I came up short I would find a way to bounce off of things on the way down and the thought of all of the bruises that would come along with it kept me from trying.
But there was a moment when I thought that taking flight might be fun. Small victories lead to bigger ones.
Hell, what a time it has been. I need a vacation or at least a break. Stop the world, I need to get off.
Anyhoo, I suppose I’ll have another seder of one in a few days and even better, I’ll get a chance to make my world famous Matza Brie.
See you around folks, hibernation begins soon.
Bubbelah, one shouldn’t “seder” alone. Next time, come to NJ and seder with us!
Thank you. It has been an odd year and quite different than expected. NJ sounds great. 🙂