There are moments in time where you feel like you are climbing Mount Everest while juggling chainsaws and being pursued by angry villagers and wild beasts.
Or at least that is how life feels to me at this moment in time.
Some might accuse me of engaging in hyperbole but if you haven’t had a conversation you don’t know what is happening and you don’t get a vote.
Hell, you can have a conversation and not get a vote ‘cuz I don’t have time to poll people and determine whether I should say my heart and head hurt or go with the more colorful description above.
So I choose colorful because I try to find a way to lighten the mood and make it easier to get through this particular moment because it sucks.
Got too many plates spinning in the air and too many unanswered questions.
Have to pick out schools and try to find housing based upon limited information and gut feelings about areas.
Got lots of choices and lots of decisions related to this and other more pedestrian affairs. Doing my best to remember that one way is different than another and not necessarily better.
But it is not easy, especially when it is combined with some of the other challenges and thus I feel like Hercules taking on the Hydra.
So I ask for help where I can, cross my fingers and hope things go a certain way.
You can call a certain way a euphemism for hope things work out well and they don’t explode in my face.
Or you can look it as the lead in to the next topic.
I Wouldn’t Do It Again
I hear people refer to times, experiences and moments in their lives as things they would do over again.
“I don’t care how hard it was, I would do it again because of X, Y and Z.”
Well you won’t hear me say that about a bunch of the crap I have been through. You won’t hear me say I would do it all again because given a choice I would not.
There have been some experiences that I describe as horrific, awful and terrible knowing those words fail to impart just how much I dislike them.
Sometimes people say I should be thankful I went through them because they made me tougher, wiser and or added character.
I usually respond by telling them I don’t feel like I needed more wisdom, strength or character. I especially didn’t need to find out that some people support you and others don’t.
It was something I already knew and not something I needed to have reinforced by being shown who would show up and who wouldn’t.
Maybe it is unfair or unreasonable on my part, but if I have your back I am usually pretty damn reliable so I expect the same.
But we’re all people and fallible so maybe I should relax.
Except the great challenge right now for me is to do just that…relax.
I haven’t been especially good at it for a host of reasons but writing and exercise help so I have been doing more of it.
Just got to keep moving forward and things will improve.
Facebook and Friends
Last week Facebook helped me reconnect with a dear friend I had lost touch with.
He was in a dark place and for 1o years I have wondered on and off what happened to him and whether he was ok.
Tried searching Facebook for him and couldn’t locate him and wondered if maybe he is one of the people who had never set up an account or if maybe I didn’t spell his name correctly.
Last Friday I stumbled upon his profile and we reconnected.
It was a very pleasant surprise and a nice finish to what had been a very long week.
Our conversation made me very happy and reminded me about how many twist and turns life can take.
You can try to plan for many things but life doesn’t cooperate and you often find yourself facing different situations than you expected.
I was/am grateful for the reminder. I will continue to do what I can to stay connected with those people who are important to me.
It is easy to get caught up in our lives and to make excuses but if someone is worth it, well they are worth it.
Final Words
It is going to be a very strange Pesach this year.
I have some misgivings about it and am not entirely comfortable but I am confident that I am moving in the right direction.
It is about doing the best we can and that is what I am doing. Doesn’t mean I am not a little nervous or concerned but I am positive that taking a chance is better than settling.
Other people can make excuses and pretend they aren’t settling, but I can’t. I refuse.
Have to try something…Have to take action.
