I am silently singing along with The Lumineers because it is catchy and because today has been painful for a variety of reasons.
Been one of those days where I feel like I have taken three steps forward and two back.
One of those days where I can see where it is I want to be and why I am not quite there.
Been trying to smile and laugh off some of the crap that has been going on because most of it is crap but there are a few things that are serious.
Like when you find out a sibling is in the hospital and though she is ok you still wonder and worry a bit.
And so we go back to singing Ho followed by Hey.
Old People & Facebook
Some hours earlier I am sitting in the 11:45 showing of Beauty & The Beast listening to the young couples next to me argue about whether to post a selfie to Instagram, Snapchat or Facebook.
One of them says no to Facebook because they aren’t “like married or like 43-year-olds.”
A smirk crosses my face because I remember when 43 sounded really old and now it is a small chunk of years behind me.
One of the guys looks at me and asks if I brought my daughter and I wonder if I wear a sign saying “I am a dad.”
There is nothing wrong with that, can’t say I have done anything better but it is kind of funny that he assumes I must be.
“Maleficent is in the restroom.”
He nods his head and I wonder if he was really listening or not because I wouldn’t think anyone would consider it to be a real name.
Had I not heard the theme song from the movie play the other day I probably wouldn’t have thought of it.
Or maybe, it is been on my mind because it is the kind of word we could apply to certain people and the actions they have taken.
Been feeling a bit frustrated because I have been trying to do things the right way and keep running into road blocks.
Frustrated because living with purpose and intent has felt a lot like everything is twice as hard as it needs to be.
If I were a superstitious man I’d say someone or something has chosen to test my will by throwing down the gauntlet.
Reminds me of playing certain XBox games with my son.
He is patient, strategic and loves to be the sniper whereas his old man goes charging into the battle and gives as good as he gets.
“You know dad, sometimes it is easier to be the sniper.”
“Might be, but I usually find a way to get it done, don’t I?”
“I am surprised by how often you figure it out.”
“This is why we make a good team, we complement each other.”
When You Unlike Facebook
The most recent presidential campaign made me start to unlike Facebook as has much of the post election nonsense.
Been torn about whether to try to use it to rally and educate people or to just post silly stuff because life is way too serious as it is.
Am I ever going to convince someone to change their political views or will I add to the polarization of society.
Might be more fun to make snarky remarks about cat pictures, pictures of parties I wasn’t invited to and cracks about the fake lives we share on social media.
Could be more fun to sing Already Gone with the Eagles while cruising down some road to who knows where.
Won’t be long before I am in San Antonio and Atlanta and if things go fifty percent as well as I hope then I’ll be a very happy man.
But I can’t guarantee they’ll go 33 and a third percent as well so I am going to keep pumping and pushing.
Going to grab life by the horns or the hips and do my damnedest to make things happen because if I do that I’ll sleep better at night.
Or at least I tell myself I will.
Farms & East Texas
There is a ’77 Trans Am on the road just ahead of me.
Got the T-Top and a semi-faded black paint job that makes me wonder if the license plate will say Bandit on it.
There are more than a few big rigs on the road but I don’t see any Basset Hounds sticking their heads out of the window.
There are cows and horses grazing on land to my right and I wonder if I should think of them as living on farms or ranches.
Reminds me that I a very broad base of knowledge but my depth is lacking in some areas and in regard to this I am a bit lost.
Is there a real difference between a farm and a ranch? Do you have to grow food and have livestock to be called either one?
I am not sure, but I make a mental note to follow up and check it out.
It is probably number 199,938 on my list of things I have to do and questions I have to answer.
I feel like the guy in the photo above, airborne between buildings and fairly certain I’ll land safely on the other side.
But there is a part of me that wonders what if.
What if I don’t stick the landing?
What if I slip or something I didn’t anticipate happens?
Who is going to take care of me or handle things if that happens?
There are people who have said they could or would but I am not real optimistic. It is not a knock against them but a realistic assessment of circumstances.
Or maybe it is a little bit of control freak in me slipping out and saying hi to y’all. 🙂
Meant To Be, Should Be…Is
There is an internal conversation surrounding what is meant to be, what should be and what is.
There is no right or wrong answer or victor to be found.
It is merely something to occupy my thought while stuck in traffic on a two lane highway.
This was unexpected and we have been essentially at a standstill for almost 25 minutes.
I am grateful there is no urgent need for a bathroom because there is no where to go.
Sure, there is an empty Powerade bottle kept for emergency but there are so many cars around there is no privacy.
Not really in the mood for the radio, books on tape or music so introspection will do.
I am doing the best I can and making progress on a lot of fronts but it is hard to not be a bit concerned about some things.
Hard not be curious and concerned yet confident because even when I charge in I usually figure it out.
Guess I just have to keep going and hope.