The telephone rings and I absentmindedly answer it not bothering to check the Caller ID.
Some of my friends and family consider that sort of thing to be reckless behavior but not me, I am a man who lives on the edge.
A short time later I hang up the phone and think about all that was discussed, a wry smile crosses my face and I hear The Beatles Revolution 9 playing inside the jukebox in my mind.
Ain’t heartbreak grand.
Money Isn’t Everything
The song fades and Good Night fills the empty space left by its predecessor and when it is done we say goodbye to Disc 2 of The White Album.
Several hours earlier I stood outside and stared at a giant moon and begged the man who lives inside to take a moment to answer my questions.
He never does and though I quite enjoy staring the up at the evening sky a rumble from my stomach makes it clear I ought to be cooking dinner.
****
I don’t know then that an offer I made a while back is going to be revisited and that I’ll be asked if it is still on the table.
It is a shock and a pleasant surprise but there is a piece of me that wants to think carefully about it.
The funny thing is had it been accepted when I first made the offer I wouldn’t have thought twice about making it happen.
It would have been a done deal and there wouldn’t have been any thought or discussion.
So I ask myself what concerns me now and the initial thought is financial. Things are slightly different now than they were then or so I tell myself.
Careful reflection follows and I shrug my shoulders, money isn’t everything and I can always make more of it.
The question of whether this happens or doesn’t happen shouldn’t be financial in nature.
There is a partially formed thought inside my head about how it might work and an image to go along with it.
It looks something like the last part of this trailer for Logan
Steamrollers Don’t Work Here
I have spent the last year being taught that steamrollers don’t work here.
Can’t use brute force or shock and awe my way through this particular situation so I have been forced to try a number of alternatives but thus far they haven’t been worth a damn.
Or if they have I haven’t been able to measure the impact well enough to feel like I have been making progress.
That is beyond frustrating for me because this particular challenge cuts as deep if not deeper than anything else I have experienced.
*****
The other day I had a conversation with someone and when they said it could always be worse I immediately thought about the situation above and nodded my head.
Because when people say something could be worse, well this other thing always comes to mind.
Then I take a moment to remind myself that though it has often been as enjoyable as pouring gasoline over my head while dancing in a bonfire it really could be worse.
That has always been my fear, that it would turn out to be worse, but until I hear confirmation that it is I will not let my mind play in that particular parlor.
Find Strength Where You Can
A neighbor hears Johnny singing and tells me it is one of the saddest songs they have ever heard.
I nod and smile, “we find strength where we can.”
It is a derivation of something I have said multiple times to another, “find strength where you can.”
Can’t say whether it is understood or truly accepted but I do what I can to try and show I believe it.
There is no hypocrisy here and were someone to dig they still wouldn’t find it because I do believe in those five words.
Same as I believe in the value of rabbit’s feet, lucky pennies or other talismans people use to bring them comfort.
If you believe it works and it is not something that is going to hurt you, well who am I to say you shouldn’t use it.
Uncharted Waters
I set sail for uncharted waters long ago knowing there would be challenges and that I’d have to sail through some storms on my own.
Nothing much has changed but everything is different.
A bell goes off in my head and I start thinking about how this can work and then there is another click and a scent surprises me again.
I am not sure how or why it crept in, but it brings some very pleasant memories along with it and I figure there is no reason not to enjoy the moment.
Elvin Bishop is singing Fooled Around & Fell In Love and there is no rhyme or reason for its appearance.
But life taught me long ago that truth is stranger than fiction and that the smartest thing we can do is learn when to ask questions and when to just go along.
And that is what I am doing, just going along and doing my best to enjoy the ride.
