I probably ought to give some of you fair warning that I am in a place beyond angry and frustrated.
That I feel like I have been lied to and mislead.
I probably should say I am typing slowly and will speak slowly in any language some of you are competent in.
Because the communication breakdown is incomprehensible to me and I know I know how to tell a story.
There is a beginning, a middle and an end.
Yet some don’t get it and I wonder if maybe they are the same people who leave their shopping carts in the middle of parking lots and or refuse to pull over for fire trucks and ambulances.
The same lovely people who watch people drown and don’t think to ask if they can lend a hand or throw life preserver until after the bloated body washes up on a beach.
How Much For 87 Pounds of Panda Meat?
I have never read any of Coelho’s books, but I sure do like some of his quotes.
Kind of cool to think of a love conspiracy, as long as it is conspiring for you.
Would kind of suck to feel like you were conspired against or mislead.
It would be like trying to order 87 pounds of Panda Meat at Panda Express and learning that you couldn’t get any.
That is the kind of thing that could grind upon a man, the kind of thing that would frustrate him.
Because he would think of the promise of good food and be really excited about getting a chance to eat it and very disappointed when he didn’t.
Not that I know anything about trying to order that particular meat or how to properly season with it barbecue sauce.
Not me, no sir.
Things I Take Note Of
I don’t find it particularly hard to stay angry with people or should I say some people.
We’re not talking about minor irritants but major ones, the kind of things that just chap your hide and make you want to scream.
They’re not always logical or reasonable things either, but that is the joy of emotion.
Sometimes you love people and you can’t figure out why. Probably a waste of time to try and figure out the how and why of it because sometimes you just do.
Hell, in my limited experience some people are almost willing to be waterboarded to try and fool themselves into believing they don’t think or feel certain way.
I stopped doing that a long time ago because all it did was piss me off and make me angry…with myself.
Now what I take note of is who I can’t stay angry with because that is usually a simple way for me to figure out who means something to me and who doesn’t.
Those are the people I sometimes think about asking for help or at least a friendly ear.
Going For Broke
I didn’t hum along with Kenny about knowing when to hold them or when to fold them because I knew I was all in.
Knew the only way I could sleep was to go for broke and take a chance.
But I didn’t do it without careful planning or thought and I certainly didn’t expect someone to shove a lighted stick of dynamite down my pants.
I suppose part of why I am on fire now is because I feel like someone handcuffed my arms to wild horses and tried to rip me apart.
The little boy that lives inside thinks it is kind of cool because I haven’t let those ponies move more than a couple of inches either way.
All those hours doing slinging iron must have helped a little.
But the grouchy old man, well he is mad as hell about this because he knows that anger is the reason Seabiscuit and Secretariat haven’t made any progress.
The adrenaline surge that comes with that anger, well that powers the muscles but it won’t last and the crash that comes after will be pretty damn painful.
Got no regrets for the choices I made and I would do it again and straddle worlds.
But it doesn’t mean I have to like the damn ponies.
All I ask…
Well the hell with all that, got no time for it.
Going to do what I set out to do and try my best not to really unload on some of the people who keep trying to handcuff me.
Every day is one step closer.