Got my Bose Noise Cancellation headphones on my ears, my eyes are closed and Adagio For Strings is filling the giant wasteland between my ears.
I am trying to turn off the great brain and be a good man and compartmentalize.
Trying to stop thinking about the 987 things that are going on and wondering how long before I drop one of these chainsaws.
It doesn’t take much of an imagination to picture what might happen when it falls and to ask myself if I will be able to dodge it and still keep juggling.
My ego says not to worry, “you have got this.” Head argues with ego and asks what happens if we trip and adds, “if you break the saw you’ll have to replace it.
A voice rises above it all, “suck it up and relax, we have got this.”
Who knew that heart had such an edge and attitude and why am I surprised.
Eric Carmen is singing All By Myself but I am in a different sort of mood so I put on Behind Blue Eyes.
Reading This Twice Won’t Help
A thousand years ago when Bill and Hillary were younger than I am now and newcomers to The Whitehouse the boys and I would sit outside and sing.
We’d plant ourselves outside the student union, in front of The Tap and shoot the breeze while we watched girls in miniskirts and shorts walk by.
Sometimes in between it all we’d raise our voices together and sing Baba O’Riley, Behind Blue Eyes or any number of other songs.
We were 18, 19, 20 and 21 and lost in the crazy moments that come with college.
I remember sitting on the balcony of the Pub, a pitcher of beer on the table and girls in bikinis at the pool below.
This time the table was a mix of boys and girls. The girl next to me says she can’t decide if I am crazy or sane and wants me to explain why I think the way I do.
I tell her to grab a copy of our college newspaper and suggest if she reads one of my articles it might help.
She surprises me by reading it twice and then tells me it didn’t enlighten her.
“Reading a news story twice isn’t going to give you much insight into how I think.”
“I think you’ll be lucky if you ever find a woman who is willing to listen to you.”
All these years later I realize I misread the situation and can see how she got pissed off with me.
Would it be childish for me to travel back in time and say several women spent time with me after and a few said they loved listening to me talk.
One or two even said they like reading my words. Woohoo.
Illusions and Heartbreak
If old Sam Clemens were here I’d tell him I know about illusions and heartbreak.
I’d say I have shattered illusions and shattered hearts and had the same done to me.
It makes for good blog fodder and adds depth to writing and maybe even character, but today I’d give up some character for a little less heartbreak.
I’d give it back for some peace of mind and the chance to just relax and unwind but things don’t work that way.
So I’ll dance in the fires and swim through the floods not because it is expected or required but because the great brain thinks it spotted a flicker of white and wonders if that is land.
Figures if we keep going and find our way there we can throw a big 70’s party and sing Midnight At The Oasis.
Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Got shadows paintin’ our faces
And traces of romance in our heads
Maybe the oasis is an illusion or maybe it is something I can really see.
The only way to find out for certain is to keep going and to see what I find.
Sometimes you have to do it on your own, even if you are juggling chainsaws.