I really didn’t feel like putting another 70 miles in tonight but I knew I needed to do something besides stay home.
Knew that if I stayed home I’d stew and fret about things I can’t control and ask myself silly questions.
Are you good enough or have you an inflated sense of your ability?
That is the one that is trying to live rent free inside my head. The question I ask over and over forgetting sometimes it is reasonable to give yourself a break.
Took about an hour to drive across town to my old neighborhood and if I hadn’t been so damn distracted I would have grabbed dinner at one of my old haunts.
Except I was distracted because I was focused on trying to figure out where the missing puzzle piece is and the answer just wasn’t coming.
I tried to remind myself I would advise my children and friends not to focus so hard on finding an answer because sometimes all you do is muddy the waters.
Wasn’t having much luck because that missing piece felt so close I could almost touch it and that made me want to push harder to get to it.
Fortunately distraction came in the form of the discussion I had gone to hear about combating BDS.
Walked in the room, grabbed a seat and watched people roll in.
Recognized faces from a friend’s Facebook page and said hello to others I had met at prior functions.
The speaker was excellent and for a while I didn’t hear the voice inside my head questioning my ability.
But it didn’t take long for him to confront me again on the ride home.
Are You Good Enough?
I know the answer to the question is a forceful “yes” followed by a steely-eyed glare.
And I know that echoes from the past and certain activities of the present are responsible for the presence of the voice.
Sometimes I forget and instead of giving myself a break I want to push harder.
Sometimes I forget that pushing when you are exhausted rarely yields the results you want.
That is part of why I write, to remind myself to be kinder and gentler because there is nothing to be gained going the other direction.
And because this is the one place I am free to let loose and not care, fear or worry.
The blog doesn’t judge nor use pauses in conversation solely for preparing a response.
And because pictures like the one at the top remind me we never know how close we are to the finish line.
Sometimes the willingness to take one more step is all it takes to find the clear air you are searching for.
One more step and you stop choking. One more step and you get where you are going or if nothing else find yourself that much closer to it.