I like to say I stopped trying to figure out why we are inextricably to certain places and people long ago but that is not entirely true.
Instead I put the questions inside a box and stick them inside the garage to collect dust and stay out of my way until such time as I need to review them again.
That is because some things stick with me and I never do get tired of exploring and investigating.
There is always something new to discover and more to understand.
Sometimes You Have To Go For Broke
The last time I lived in Texas I didn’t register my car or get a Texas driver’s license.
It is kind of funny because when I moved here then the idea was to begin a new life and get answers to a whole host of questions.
And I got most of those answers, figured out some ideas were rooted in fact and not in some sort of crazy fiction.
So you’d think that since I didn’t want to move back to California I would have done more to see that I didn’t have to, but I didn’t.
Don’t ask why because it doesn’t really matter but what does is this time around I decided it had to go differently than it did before.
Decided sometimes you have to go for broke and to me that meant I needed to turn in those California license plates and put Texas on my car.
So I did.
Got a car with Texas license plates and a toll tag. You might wonder if it makes finding my car harder but it hasn’t really.
In LA I saw my make and model all over the place but here in Texas, not so much.
Guess that makes me almost unique.
Not A Real Cast Away
A former colleague asked me if I have any close family in Texas.
I told them there were people there who have said they are family and that I wouldn’t be surprised if I had blood relatives somewhere around the state either.
“So for a time you are going to be like a cast away huh?”
I laughed and said I wasn’t going on a three hour tour and that my name isn’t Gilligan.
He smiled and asked me how I’d do living by myself for a while and I said it is good to be part of something but I am also built for being alone.
“Don’t be alone, people need people.”
I smiled and thanked him and reminded him it is different when you choose to do something.
“Well then make it a choice.”
“I always do.”
I don’t know why but something about that conversation got me thinking about the end of Cast Away.
Maybe it is because there are some moments during the past ten years where it was easy to relate to Hanks’ comments about feeling like he never had control of anything.
And maybe it is because I also appreciate what he says about not knowing what tomorrow will bring.
You can choose to love me, hate me or be ambivalent but you better understand that when I set my mind to something I tend to keep coming.
Doesn’t mean I am singularly focused in nature because I am really not. I have so many damn interests I wish I could live for a 1,000 years so that I would have time to explore them all.
In this case it just means the promotion that brought me back to Texas is enough for me to really dig my heels in and say I am building a future here.
If you haven’t seen that scene in Cast Away and are interested here is a clip I found on YouTube.
It is not the best quality, but it works.
Tuesday someone asked me if they would see me when I flew back home for Thanksgiving.
I said I am home and they asked how I could say that.
“Words matter. LA will always be home and I will love it forever. You’ll always see me root for my teams, but I have to refer to Texas as home.
That is part of going for broke.”
“But Josh, with all the family stuff going on how can you say that?”
It is a good question because in many ways I can be very black and white in my approach to life, but I have learned how to climb out of the box and color outside the lines.
“Life is about choices and I have gotten to be pretty good at figuring how to make things work.
Sometimes we have to pivot, duck or dodge in the process, sometimes we don’t.
I can’t tread water and expend all of my energy getting nothing done when I can build a better future and still find ways to help.”
It didn’t require clairvoyance to know they disagreed with me but they had enough sense not to try to argue.
Part of what makes me crazy about the current election cycle is how divisive it has been.
I have friends/family who suggest that only an idiot would vote for the other side.
It is diametrically opposed to what I have been trying to teach my children.
Ask people who know me well and they’ll you they are sick of hearing me say things like “if it makes you feel good to believe that” or “I don’t wear a sweater because you are cold.”
Nor do I feel obligated to explain how or why I believe or act as I do.
Look, I am convinced that some people I know act against their own self interests and or lie to themselves about what they do.
I am convinced that if we had real conversations in which we were honest we might find ourselves in agreement about many things.
But that doesn’t mean I am going to try to steam roll them into having those discussions with me or that it is might to try.
It just means today we disagree and who is to say how it will be tomorrow.
Life is too complicated now for me to lose focus of the objective I set and the line items that I have to cross off of that list.
So for now, I am going for broke.
Tomorrow is another day and who knows what the tide will bring in.