Midnight comes and goes but the noises people hear in the garage aren’t made by the creatures of the night.
The clickety-clack and clanging sounds aren’t made by a tired old grandfather clock either.
They come from me, the guy in the garage who alternates working out with packing stuff up in boxes and the occasional grunt or muttered curse.
It is not my desire nor intention to reenact my student life where I routinely stayed up long enough to see the sunrise but there are moments that pull that out of you and this is one of them.
When I look at the odds and ends surrounding me I recognize that not all of them will be familiar to my kids but what kills me is the realization of how dated some must look to them.
I don’t refer to clock radios as things discovered, made or built during the olden days but as old friends I once relied upon
But time never stops moving, things and change and we move on regardless of whether we have any desire or interest.
This Too Shall Pass
I have never been a fan or appreciated being told “this too shall pass.”
Maybe it is too simplistic a response to hard times. I know things will pass and I know that these are blips, beeps and hiccups in time.
But when you are dancing in the fire you don’t stop to think about how long you must two step your way through.
You focus on doing what needs to be done to avoid being burnt and to try to establish firm footing so that you don’t slide back into it.
Or at least that is how I approach things.
Makes me laugh a bit thinking about some of this, reminds me about times people have told me they don’t understand me or think I am weird.
I know where I am going and I am moving my with purpose and intention towards it. I can see it in my mind.
Sometimes the only way to get to the next place is to do more than try to move the needle, it requires a leap of faith.
It is not always bad to be an unreasonable man.
A Crossfit Dad
Some of the guys tell me I ought to look into Crossfit.
They say it is right up my alley and that I’ll love it. I tell them it sounds good and I mean it.
I am not blowing them off, I just haven’t got the time and spare cash to make it happen now but I am not waiting to get time or cash to lift.
It is part of why I am lifting on my own because there are no excuses for not doing more to get into better shape.
I mention my interest in Crossfit to some other friends and they tell me I am crazy and ask me if I want to get hurt.
That is not a real concern of mine. I don’t break easily. I am built for destruction and demolition. Built to walk through walls, dance through fires and survive whatever storms come my way.
“I still dive for loose basketballs. I think I can handle whatever they throw at me. I am still the guy who is curious about how strong I can get and how much I can lift.”
“Josh, that is the kiss of death. You are not that young anymore.”
It Is Not About Age
My children have learned that telling what they think I can or cannot do is usually a good way to get me do the opposite of what they want.
They have seen I am not kidding when I say I am perfectly willing to go my own way and that when motivated I can go deaf.
But I have worked hard to make sure they have seen me go along and get along. Worked to make sure they know I will do things I don’t want to do because sometimes it is what is required.
That is why I listen to what some people say about my age and smile.
I know exactly how old I am and I recognize that I won’t be twenty again but I am going to test the limits and see how hard and how far I can push myself.
Humans may not be born with the ability to fly but it doesn’t mean we can’t learn how to.
That is the benefit of life experience and having lived a little bit.
Back in the garage I wipe the sweat off of my brow and look at the stuff and stuffed boxes.
The days when I would take responsibility for physically moving them all are gone. That is my concession to age.
I can still do it but I know that I will feel it so this time around I’ll pay someone else to handle the heavy lifting and I’ll take care of the really important stuff.
The problem with being this awake now is that sleep will be harder to come by. Tiny creatures who spray fairy dust are no where to be found and Mr. Sandman isn’t picking up his phone.
Earphones swallow my ears and soft music slowly pushes my mind elsewhere.
Submit, accept and release.
Sleep is close and in moments wakefulness will turn into a dream.