50,000 Reasons To Slap Steve Jobs

Somewhere around the 83rd minute of my telephone call with Apple support I began to wonder if Steve Jobs was buried or cremated because I really wanted to slap him.

Not just once, but many times followed by a significant and severe thrashing with my fists, forearms and and shillelagh.

You might wonder if I saw any problems with this and what they were.

The answer is yes, I saw several.

  1. Cremation makes it impossible to slap a person and creates a huge mess.
  2. I wanted immediate relief of my frustration and even if I was serious in my intention to go after him there was no way to get to him in a timely manner.
  3. If I carried out my desire in this ridiculous hypothetical he wouldn’t care because he would be dead and not able to respond.

Even in death the bastard continued to frustrate me.

Blame The iPhone

It would be inaccurate to blame the iPhone in general for my frustration but precise to say that an issue with new iPhone was and is why I was irritated.

Everyone talks about how simple, easy and powerful those phones are so when I purchased a new one last week it never occurred to me that getting mine set up would require significant amounts of time.

Mind you I expected that it would probably take a few hours to transfer data from my old phone and download the Apps I use on a daily basis.

I didn’t expect it to be plug-and-play except on the most basic level.

What I didn’t know was the mishegoss that would come with it because I used the same Apple ID as my daughter.

I expected it to be simple to change IDs and move on to the very important business of making sure I had the right music loaded and that my Apps were organized, not to mention ringtone.

Can’t forget picking out the perfect ringtone, because a simple ring is so very ordinary.

But sometimes it is not how it works out.

דער מענטש טראַכט און גאָט לאַכט.

Der mentsh trakht un got lakht.

Man plans and God laughs.

No need to bore you with the full details of the full two hours I spent on that call or to mention that a full day later the work is not done yet.


Apple Security

Yeah, the FBI and I are both reaping the benefits of their security system. Thank you magical and mystical manufacturers of the fruit phone.


Sometimes people ask me to describe and or explain my writing process.

It is simple, I see and hear words inside my head and I put them down on paper or the computer screen.

Not everyone is satisfied by or with that explanation.

When I was the editor of my college newspaper one of my professors took me to task for not being more specific.

I told them I wasn’t trying to be difficult or adversarial and that when the words flow from my fingertips it requires the same focus as breathing.

I don’t think about it, I just do it.

Doesn’t mean there aren’t moments where it is not hard for me because there are, but those are few and far between.

But I don’t apologize or make excuses for any of this.

I wouldn’t yell at Magic Johnson, Picasso, Mozart or anyone who has a certain amount of skill for doing what comes naturally at them.

It just happens.

BTW, I am not trying to make a statement about my ability or the quality of my work by using the names I included above.

They are there because they help illustrate the point I am trying to make.

Be Your Own Man

My 15 year-old son likes to remind me that he doesn’t need to like everything I like.

That remark usually comes up when I ask him how it is possible for him to be ambivalent about pizza when I love it.

Or when I tell him that he shows some skill in basketball and ought to focus upon it because if he starts practicing now he’ll be much better when he gets older.

I want him to be his own man, to follow his own heart, thoughts and ideas because that is a significant part of learning how to live a great life.

But there are some things he can’t help, such as DNA and the stuff that comes from exposure to his parents.

You see, part of the reason I am so driven about fixing my phone so that it works as it should and as I want it to be is my father.

Yeah dad, I am picking on you again.

If Apple hadn’t told me I needed to wait overnight because of their security issues I would have stayed on the phone all damn day long so that the problem would be resolved.

It is why I spent another hour on the phone with DirecTV about a separate issue. Did I mention that I got my bill reduced by $40 a month?

It is true, that was worth the time.

Anyhoo, when my son tells me he is his own man I laugh a bit because I see some of the same gifts that I picked up being passed down to him.

And to be clear, mom has her own focus on some of these things too, so I’ll include her in this whole rigmarole too.

Time Is The Real Issue

The real problem here is time and the tick-tocking clock in my head.

I have so much to do and so little time to do it in or so it feels.

The chunks of time I lose dealing with the tiny and not so tiny details that life presents grinds upon me.

Part of why I like knowing how to fix and maintain things is because I enjoy working with my hands and using my mind.

But it is also because I like to control how I use my time as much as I can.

Too bad our control is so very limited which is why this post is about to end because I have to call Apple again and finish fixing the last few issues with this phone.

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