I smiled and told them that it is much easier to find a troll or trolls than they realized.
Write a post promoting circumcision, for/against abortion and don’t forget to include something about how the Democrats/Republicans are killing the country.
How do I know these things?
Experience….I know from experience.
Trust me when I say I was attacked after I once wrote a post that was tongue-in-cheek about angry Canadians invading the US on the backs of their polar bear army.
Dude didn’t say Sorry, he just sent me a 2,987 screed about what an awful writer I was.
Did I mention he signed it, “no one cares about your blog.”
An Appropriate Response
Silence seemed to be the most appropriate response. Some people have no sense of humor and I saw no reason to try to explain to the man why my words were supposed to have been funny.
Well he didn’t like being ignored so he sent more notes off and left a number of strongly worded comments.
I used the bloggers standard tools for dealing with trolls and refused to approve his comments or respond to his emails.
Most of the time trolls get bored and go away, but this one was determined to find a way to get my attention.
He threatened to start his own blog and said he would claim I was a Celtics fan who came from Cleveland.
I lowered the draw bridge and rode out from behind the castle walls and told him I would beat his lazy Parma butt with my Pepper Pike.
He told me he had no idea what I was talking about and I remembered the dude wasn’t from the land of the burning river.
So I adopted my best Canadian accent and told him if he apologized and provided me with a two-four of Canada’s finest ale, six polar bear cubs, a shrubbery, an igloo and Don Cherry’s hockey jersey (an authentic one) I would consider not thrashing him.
He said no so I took a sock filled with Loonies and Toonies and helped teach him the error of his ways.
Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously
The words you read above might be a silly story that some man created from nothing or maybe they are real, truth is stranger than fiction.
What I can confirm is I have had multiple encounters with trolls and that most of the time I choose to ignore them because it is usually a waste of time to engage with them.
I can also confirm that it is easy to take ourselves too seriously and to forget that not everything we write is going to be something that will make our English teachers weep with pride.
But they don’t all have to be something that could serve as a model for the perfect 5 paragraph essay.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is create a piece that is easily understood by your readers because it is more likely to help you build a community, create a connection and encourage them to respond to your call-to-action.
I understand the urge to try to create that Pulitzer prize winner each time. I know what it means to read my words and wonder how I can press publish when it feels like it is not even close to being as good as I want it to be.
But I also know we are often are biggest critics and that sometimes your effort to turn water into wine is misguided.
No one cares about your blog but everyone drinks water.