If I Were The Dread Pirate Roberts

USS New Jersey

If I were The Dread Pirate Roberts I can assure you this post would be composed and written from a much more exotic location than suburbia.

You may wonder why I would want to be him and what is stopping me.

I’d tell you that there is more joy in being The Man In Black than you know. I relate to that guy in so many different ways.

What is stopping me from becoming The Dread Pirate Roberts?

Mostly a lack of cash.

You see if you want to be The Dread Pirate Roberts you need to be prepared to deal with the modern navies of the world and if you want to deal with them you ought to own a battleship or two and maybe a submarine.

Can You Buy A Battleship?

The answer is yes, always yes. If you have the cash you can find a way to buy or build one. A friend of mine tried to argue the point with me. They insisted it is probably illegal and likely impossible but I refuse to adopt a defeatist attitude.

The Man In Black never gave up on his dreams and as they said in Galaxy Quest, “Never Give, Never Surrender!”

You may think I am being silly. You may call me insouciant and label this narishkeit but I would ask you to give me about $45 million and then watch as I find a way to obtain my ship.

If you know me well you know one day some will call me Jefe, Captain or Big Dog and you know that I have been called much worse. But you also know I probably heard you but I didn’t listen.

Remember The Man In Black was successful not because he was a master swordsman but because of his problem solving skills and ability to use unconventional thinking.

I was, I am and I will be that guy. I am the guy who loaded One Pair of Cowboy Boots & Two Suitcases into a car and drove out into the wild blue yonder in search of adventure.

There were no reservations made in advance. It was drive until sleep overtakes you and then decide if you are going to sleep under the desert sky or in some cheap hotel room that was 25 feet away from train tracks and a drunk guy who keeps screaming “Stella!”

When my pal and I were talking about battleships and I was getting lectured about how silly I was being two thoughts kept shooting through my mind:

  1. Pirates have a code but that they don’t have to follow rules.
  2. There is always someone who wants to piss on your dreams but you can decide if you are going to wear a raincoat.
  3. I was once called an uncivilized barbarian. Barbarians don’t let negative people get in the way of their dreams.
  4. Yeah, there are more than two thoughts here. So what. Pirates are good at math and at making up rules as they go.

What To Do About Walls

Sometimes I hear a voice inside my head singing Joshua knocked down the walls of Jericho and I wonder whose voice I hear singing because I am not sure.

I have this feeling it was my grandfather but it is one of those memories that is so faint it is hard to be sure. It is sort like trying to hold water in the palm of your hand. You want to hold on tight but don’t dare squeeze because if you do it will run out between your fingertips and you’ll be left with nothing.

When the hard times come up I sometimes think about that song and nod my head because I am good at knocking down walls. Sometimes it is done with physical strength and sometimes by using my head.

There is much joy in problem solving.

Sometimes people forget that some changes require persistence and determination as much if not more than anything else. A boulder can only withstand the river for long before the water begins to force it to change.

If I were The Dread Pirate Roberts I might consider sharing a case study or two with you that proved this but today I am not him, or am I.

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  2. Allan Woloshin November 6, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    About your math skills:

    There are 3 types of people in this world: those who can count, and those who cannot.

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