It Is Hard To Kill Someone With A Butter Knife


He is about 5’10 and with his hair spiked up he probably tops out around 6’4. Most of the time I wouldn’t have paid much attention but he is an Indian and I have never seen one dressed like he is fronting a punk rock band.

Had we been in West Hollywood during Halloween or one of the other parades I am certain that I wouldn’t have looked twice because novel to me or not, his dress is tame.

But we weren’t in West Hollywood and it wasn’t Halloween or any other day that people dress in costume for so I noticed him. Didn’t look away when he made eye contact with me either.

Wasn’t trying to play tough guy or any sort of guy for that matter. I was lost in thought about things that had happened earlier in the day.

Who Are You Trying To Impress?

It was Happy Hour but apparently he didn’t take it seriously or maybe he just couldn’t handle the plate of hot wings that was in front of him. I don’t really know but I can tell you that some people believe that spicy should only be used to describe personalities and not food.

Since I was lost in thought I can’t really tell you how long I stared at him before he started up with me, but I can tell you the first thing I noticed after his attire was that he was missing a tooth in the front of his mouth.

The situation was made even stranger by the polished British accent that accompanied a promise to hurt me if I didn’t stop staring at him.

“I don’t know who you are trying to impress but it is awfully hard to kill someone with a butter knife.”

I know, some of you are wondering why I responded in a way that might cause the situation to escalate but I know from personal experience that getting stabbed with a butter knife is uncomfortable but rarely life threatening.

What Happened Next

If I told you that I introduced him to five finger Freddy and took out a tooth on the other side of his mouth you might wonder if I got arrested. But what would really concern you most is if I told you that I tried to break a bar stool on the side of his head.

You’d ask yourself where the cops were and when I told you that I avoided getting arrested by pretending to be a bouncer at the club you’d wonder if the place was empty or if I bribed everyone in their to keep their mouths shut.

But then again, maybe none of those things happened. Maybe it is just a story I wrote because sometimes when you are on deadline and you don’t like the content you are producing you go a different direction.

Sometimes you prime the pump by writing about something that has nothing to do with the real assignment because it gets your creative juices flowing and that enables you to write the story that pays the bills.

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