The photo above really should be of Hercules fighting the Hydra because that is a more accurate description of how I feel right now. I am batting a seven headed beast called technology and every time I think I have won the battle a new head rises from the depths determined to take a bite out of my butt.
Maybe it is because I made a mistake and shouted at the computer, “is that the best you have got” and the universe decided that it is on.
The battle between technology and I has been raging for quite some time now and though I want to say I have given as good as I have gotten I can’t really do that because the electronic beasties have no feelings.
No fear, no worries nor question of worth, valor or might plague any of these monstrosities while I sit here and wonder if I am going to figure out how to fix the multiple issues with the computer and the car on my own or if I am going to have call down the thunder called opening the wallet to fix these things.
Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness
Money may not buy happiness but it does help fund more immediate solutions to the challenges posed by technical issues.
My laptop has been giving me issues for quite some time and though I have reformatted the hard drives and started over twice it still doesn’t wish to work as it should and this is exactly where the tyranny of technology comes into play.
When it doesn’t work properly I waste countless hours in which I could otherwise be productive doing things for my professional and personal worlds. Instead of inventing technologies that will bring peace and harmony to the universe I wade into battle with the Borg and try not to be assimilated into the collective.
Instead of writing the kind of novel that makes you weep with joy and wonder why it took you so long to discover my wonderful words I issue an endless stream of invectives that I hope will not lead people to blame Jane Austen for Mediocre Writing.
Really, I want to focus on the kind of writing that leads to my inclusion on lists like this but instead I wind up weeping on the floor of my apartment begging for sanctuary.
Ok, I just lied I have never wept on the floor of any apartment and begged for sanctuary. Hell, anyone who really knows me that I am too damn stubborn to just give up.
Horses Cost Money
In the good old days of my youth automobiles were simple creatures to work upon. They were a hunk of metal that enclosed an engine. Open the hood and you would find a relatively simple to work upon combustion engine.
But those days are long gone and now the tyranny of technology mandates that some work can’t be done without the benefits of additional technological tools. So being of sound mind and body I figured that living in Texas presented an easy solution to the automotive challenges I faced.
Get a horse.
Why not. I have the hat, shirt, belt, jeans and boots. Give me a horse and I don’t care if the A/C isn’t working.
But horses cost money. You might not know this but you can’t just pick one up at the corner convenience store. Hell the person behind the corner might be from India or cleveland and not know a damn thing about horses.
And did I mention how much it costs to feed a horse. Hell, they eat more than my pre-teen son and his friends and trust me those boys can eat.
If I Were Hercules
I am blessed with a lot of natural strength but unlike Hercules I am not the son of a God (sorry mom and dad) so I can’t depend on being stronger and tougher than everyone I meet.
Although if we really want to be honest Hercules got himself into a lot of trouble so strength isn’t all it is made out to be.
But it doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t want to tear the computer into two pieces and then go kill a lion or two. That might be kind of fun (dear PETA I am not serious, go haunt another blog) and it would help blow off some steam.
The Social Media/PR Connection
This is the time in this post where it would be nice to tell you about how Apple/Dell/HP/Sony read my post and decided that it would be wonderful to simply provide me with a new laptop turning this post into a great PR/Marketing/Social Media tale.
However that didn’t happen so we’ll have to cross our fingers and hope that it magically might or that I figure out how to make this laptop work the way it should so that simple tasks don’t take a ridiculous amount of time to do.