No one starts off a blog post talking external hemorrhoids and I don’t intend to be the first, but I will say I need more fiber and less spice in my diet.
That is because for wayyyyyy tooooo looong I have been living in interesting times and am ready to go back to the simple, steady and boring.
I am almost superstitious enough to say I am afraid to suggest I might have stumbled onto the thing that will take me there, but not quite.
My general silence is more because it is still so new I need to hold off on making bold proclamations but it feels like it might be accurate so let’s all root for that.
It would make for a kinder, gentler Josh.
Ok, maybe kinder. 🙂
Sometimes you have to walk into the mystery.
If you are of a certain age and a hockey fan there is a good chance you think Wayne Gretzky is the greatest hockey player ever.
But you don’t have to be a hockey fan to appreciate a simple but profound quote of his.
“A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.”
I hadn’t thought about it in a while but it came up because someone told me I was very unconventional in how I approached a few things.
Sometimes you play it safe and sometimes you don’t because playing where the puck is means you don’t advance.
It means you don’t move up or ahead because there are obstacles ahead of you that you can’t get around.
Since I hear the tick tock of the inner clock I am focused on not wasting time on obstacles that can be moved. Focused on trying to figure out where that puck is going to be and moving to that place.
So maybe that means doing things a little bit differently and having faith it will help present possibilities you can turn into opportunities.
When I mentioned it the other guy told me I sounded like a rule breaker and a jerk.
“Ever ask why some things are done a certain way and get an answer of because that is how they have always been done. Sometimes you can politely offer an alternative. That doesn’t make you a jerk, it is all in the presentation.”
“How are things going with the new deal?”
“I think I am seeing the field, at least I hope I am. It is still early and I don’t want to put my foot in my mouth, but I can the pitches that are being thrown.”
Part of the beauty of being 50 is I don’t need everyone to know how smart I am. Don’t need to talk in every meeting or always point out something ‘special.’
I don’t mind saying there are lots of things I don’t know and that I want to learn more.
It is part of why I have been reading and re-reading some books on writing. Can’t improve without practice, can’t improve without taking some time to educate myself on the craft.
Had a conversation not long ago with some of my progeny and explained it is untrue to say I have no fear of mistakes.
I don’t like making them and I especially don’t like making the same ones over and over. No one wants to embarrass themselves that way.
But I also said I refuse to let fear dictate what I will and won’t do. Refuse to not take a chance here and there because there can be a huge upside.
That is because I am not content with where some things are so I will use that discontent to motivate change.
Can’t stomach the idea of not taking a chance on better, more fulfilling and more satisfying because fear said it might not work.
I don’t want to fail, but I can’t accept not reaching for that brass ring.
It is why I don’t get caught in the spider web of only posting the work I think is my best.
Sometimes you have to tell your inner critic to STFU and go for broke.
This post feels awkward, dumb and stilted. I could nuke it and start over or I could pull it apart and rework it, but I am not going to.
The posts here aren’t a collection of greatest hits, they are a collection of attempts to get a hit.