The 10,000 Love Letters You Ignore

There is a certain teenage girl in my house who calls me abba and says she needs a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird for her English class.

It is about seven bucks and change on Amazon or alternatively available for pickup at the local book store but I own it so I don’t want to buy another copy.

But I might because I haven’t a clue whether it is in one of the 42 boxes of books in the garage so I mull over what the best of use 0f my time is and make a decision.

The weather is starting to turn but today isn’t bad so I take my car out of the garage and start pulling boxes from the shelves and walls.

Some of them are marked in pen or sharpies with notes that say what is in them but not all.

Two hours of tearing through boxes doesn’t lead to discovering the one item I really need but it does put me in touch with 10,000 love letters I haven’t paid attention to in a number of years.

Sweat is pouring from my brow and my shirt is soaked from the effort of my labors and I recognize this is the moment to say goodbye to some of my treasures. This is the time to cull the herd and so I spend a few minutes doing so.

Five boxes of books are taken to the local library to be donated. Five boxes of victories, losses, triumph and destruction given to others to be read and appreciated because our time is done.

Give It All Away & Start Over

There was a moment in the garage when I thought about packing it all up to give it all away.

It was followed by a couple more moments where the boxes and contents reminded me of what lead to this day and how these had all been placed upon shelves in rooms in the house I used to own before the great recession.

Moments where I remembered how very hard I fought the tsunami and the tales never shared with anyone because what was taken left scar tissue I have chosen to leave alone until the time is right.

So I stood there and pushed aside the burst of unexpected anger and reminded myself about what life is like in the present.

I could give it all away and start over because I have already been there but that is a story for a different day and a tale not for the blog and ears that don’t care.

Had I not been distracted by a million different things I might have recognized how much had been taken out of me before I hit the gym.

But I didn’t so I pushed through 30 minutes on the treadmill, some weights and a two mile walk.

By the time I made it to my car I knew something wasn’t right with me but wasn’t sure what.

I Am Not That Old

Drove home and sat in the garage with the seat warmer on and some station on Sirius playing something that sounded familiar.

Looked in the mirror and told the guy to suck it up and go inside but he didn’t move.

“Might be your blood sugar you big dope, go eat.”

Didn’t move cuz I was too tired but took a moment to respond to the guy in the mirror.

“Might be, but I can think clearly and I am tired. Woke up early and pushed hard.”

The guy in the mirror scowled and said “I am not that old.”

Eventually I pulled my butt out of the car and dragged myself into the house. Grabbed a snack and collapsed on the couch.

Took the 15 minutes between the snack and dinner to veg and pulled my butt off of the couch and made my way to a bowl of chili which had a significant restorative effect upon me.

****

Engaged in the usual conversation and banter with the family and was told by my son that I could stop inserting some terrible dad jokes into the meal.

This led to more back-and-forth between us and an allegation that I am known to continue making subtle cracks about topics and words that were supposed to have been dropped.

I looked at my son and plead innocent and received a glare.

“Dad, you are not stupid. We both know that you are doing this.”

“Listen mister, that is a scurrilous accusation that others have made. As a man whose honor is being besmirched I protest. I have enough of a command of the language not to speak in circles or obscurities. I would be direct.”

He snorted and told me it wasn’t working.

So I looked at him and told him there were 10,000 love letters being ignored.

“Nice try dad, but I am not following you down this particular rabbit hole.”

I smiled and nodded my head which I am sure he took as affirmation that I was trying to do as he suggested.

It wasn’t worth telling him that my thoughts had circled back to the boxes of books I hadn’t gone through yet and questions about what else needed to go and or stay.

More changes are coming, got to prepare.

 

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