The Love Doctor Prescription You Can’t Get

Sometimes you dance in the fire because you don’t want to get burned and sometimes you say ‘fuck it’ and stop moving because you need the pain to snap your ass back into reality.

Of course I know nothing about any of these things or maybe instead of talking about them I prefer to tell you about how I convinced someone I am a trust fund baby, part of the Aquafina water empire, which was named for my mother, Queen Aquafina.

It is too bad my grandfathers weren’t there to share in the moment because they were better at telling stories than I am and when I am on my game I am decent.

Some might say better than decent, even the Shmata Queen might concede that point, but who knows.

The thing I love about this storytelling bit is that unlike my physical skills it will not deteriorate with age. I won’t ever worry about spending extra time in the gym to work out harder just to maintain what I have.

Nah, this storytelling thing is different. I tell you I can ride it all day and all night forever and know that we’ll never be worn out.

Not if we open our eyes, hold hands and work together. Storytelling and I, we can make it.

That is a love prescription you can’t get, you have to be lucky enough to stumble upon it.

Building Castles

Got another visit with the doc coming up Monday. Guess we’ll find if he thinks a BP of 1093 over 8382 is still going to kill me.

I told him before Wilner men are made of sterner stuff and that your blood pressure only matters if you have a heart. Mine was surgically removed so I am not concerned.

Strangely enough someone recently asked if I was worried about my immortal soul and I said I traded it for an awesome head of hair and a couple of other things.

They paused and said, “you know you really don’t have that much hair.”

“FUCK!!! You mean that I am not using the magic beer googles to see life as it could be and I am seeing it as it is.”

“You shouldn’t mess around with something so serious. Satan looks for those who think they are too smart to be fooled.”

“Hell, you shouldn’t worry because I know I am a fool and have been fooled. But I also know that Satan doesn’t want any part of my kind of crazy. I’ll exhaust him because I am relentlessly exhausting.”

“Have you ever thought of going to church?”

“Have you ever thought of being Jewish?”

“No way. Why do you ask?”

“The same reason you ask if I’ll think about converting.”

“But I am not interested, I already have a relationship with G-d.”

“Must not be that solid, he says to stop wasting our time.”

When You Say Nazareth

In the ‘graph above I forgot to share what happens when people say Nazareth. This is what comes to mind.

Oh, and the actual Nazareth, been there a bunch of times, but usually when I was passing through. Reminds me of the antisemite and their recent antics.

Thus far the silence has been golden, let’s all keep our fingers crossed and hope it continues or maybe I’ll have to focus my relentlessly exhausting side elsewhere.


If I have to choose between chunky and creamy peanut butter than creamy wins.

Staying hungry wins over eating liver and onions and a colonoscopy is more enjoyable than The Sound Of Music.


I saw an ad for a ’67 Camaro for about $4500 bucks and for a moment got excited. That’s within the realm of possible, except it is not.

You see I am skeptical about the condition of the car and how much it will really cost to get that sucker to where I need it to be. But then again I love the idea of getting lost in rebuilding and restoring it.

Maybe not today, but one day…

The Conversation

The guy at the gym looked at me and asked if I always talk to myself.

I shrugged my shoulders and said I don’t know.

“You look so intense. Must be some kind of secret or story you are telling yourself.”

I smiled and told him it’s a secret story.”

“Is it a good one?”

“Depends on the day. Sometimes it is the worst thing to ever happen and sometimes it is the best.”

He raised his eyebrows and said I smiled so broadly when I mentioned it he didn’t believe it was the worst and that he almost wanted to hear it.

I smiled back and said maybe you’ll see it in a book or movie one day, or maybe it won’t ever be shared.

“Sharing it with everyone wouldn’t make it a very good secret story now would it.”

He asked if anyone knew it and I nodded my head.

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