A thousand years ago a girl told me she resented me not finding her earlier and I said better late than never.
Seven years ago a guy told me he had no place for me at his company and said to keep in touch so I told him to keep my number and call me when he was ready.
“I don’t know if that is confidence or arrogance. How should I take it?”
“Whichever way is more likely to get you to call me.”
Yesterday a man told me he was surprised our last conversation hadn’t run me off forever. I told him I took him seriously but knew there was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up.
“I didn’t do anything other than make it clear I wasn’t intimidated and then I walked away without arguing.”
“What would you have done if I hadn’t called you?”
“There are lots of other people in the world. I hoped you’d call, but I would have been fine.”
He laughed and told me he appreciated that. I smiled, shook his hand and waited until I got to the car to do a little victory dance. It could have gone the other way.
There are many people who are more talented than I am at many things. Hell there is a long list of stuff that I know I don’t have as much natural talent as others do.
But one thing I am very good at is getting back up when I am knocked down and sticking with things. I know how to keep pushing forward even when it is hard.
That is something I talk with the kids about on a regular basis. You don’t have to have natural talent to be successful or to get the things you want/need in life.
You just need to be willing to work and to understand that life isn’t fair and that sometimes you will have to fight…hard.
I had a teacher in high school whose name escapes me who used to tell us we had illusions of grandeur and that we needed to figure out what we were good and stick with that.
He was wrong.
We fought about it more than once.
I said that it was possible to work to achieve and get things and he told me life would put up road blocks. He was right about that, life has, did and will do so again.
But I’ll keep going because I am not good at lying down and giving up.
You didn’t ask but I’ll tell you anyway.
My current biggest challenge isn’t health related, although there are some things there to deal with. It is focus.
I am not focusing well upon things. I am distracted and lost in thought far too often so I find myself playing catch up and having to work harder at some things than I normally would.
Lack of focus is making me a little crazier than I normally am because focus tends to be one of my strengths. It is usually easy for me to focus so intently on what I am working on.
I forget to eat and lose track of time.
Now I just lose track of time and wonder how I managed to put myself up against the wall because there are things that need to be attended to.
Sometimes I work better under strict deadlines and pressure. Sometimes I like it because I can be very effective, but right now I am a step off of my game.
You can call it grief or PTSD. You can call it almost middle aged ADD or whatever the hell you want to call it.
I call it a long fucking road that I have to walk and I promise I will get to the end of it, but cannot say when.
It is part of why I haven’t finished figuring out a new theme for this joint and why so many of these posts lose rhythm and steam.
I don’t care much if at all about what people think about this, that or most any other thing.
If you are my friend, you are my friend. If you love me, you love me.
And if you don’t fall into either of those categories or any other in which you care about me than you are missing out and it is your loss.
Because I know who I am, what I am capable of and what I can offer.
I know that if I can keep fighting and pushing my way through the bushes and darkness there will be sunnier days waiting for me.
Hell, sometimes I may say I know things and do it because I am messing around, but there are some things I am certain of. Some things I know in my heart and though I may not be able to prove them to others in a concrete way if given the opportunity I can provide tangible evidence.
That might sound awkward, silly or ridiculous or something else. I don’t know and I don’t have time, I have lost focus and have to move on to something else for a bit.
Change is coming.