Got a free subscription to Apple Music and have been exploring a bit just to see what is out there that I might not have heard yet.
Flip on another, but this one I know and it touches a nerve.
That’s not saying much because it is only two months and grief has secured free rent in the corner penthouse.
I told him for the time I’ll let that be but to be aware a reckoning is coming and when it does eviction won’t be an accurate description of what will happen.
Take The Gloves Off
There is a moment at the gym during the fourth set on the bench where my arms are shaking and I wonder if I can pump out three more reps before I drop the whole damn thing on my neck.
It makes me angry, this refusal by my body to do as I want.
My back still hurts from standing for too many hours on concrete. I bend, twist and fight to work the kinks out and a godawful noise escapes from between my lips.
“Sir, are you ok?”
I nod at the trainer and say I am fine but he doesn’t look like he believes me.
I pay it no mind and push by to get to the free weights. Got to push through this, got to find a way to make it work better than it has been.
Got a cover of a Dylan song playing courtesy of that music subscription and it gives me enough lift to manage.
In between the clink and clank I think about whether it is time to hold out my hand and say “can we talk?”
Most of those who offered have disappeared and I am not about to reach out to those who never said boo.
People say I shouldn’t hold that against them because people don’t know what to say” but that rings hollow.
Maybe I’ll let that go and forgive them but I probably won’t forget. I mention this in passing and they say it is a waste of energy.
“Not really. I don’t think about them. It only comes up when I stumble across something on Facebook and that doesn’t happen often.”
They say ok and ask if I am still battling online and I smile and say occasionally.
“You’re not very nice are you.”
“Nope, take the gloves off is the motto.”
It is only partially true, if people are civil I try to do the same. But it doesn’t always happen and more than few FB friends complain about my posts focusing on the grifter.
“Read or don’t read. I am not interested in hearing anything more.”
They take the hint and we get beyond the stupidity…for the moment.
Back at the gym Nine Inch Nails hits my headset and I think about how this song would have made dad shake his head.
There are stories but we’ll save them for places that aren’t family blogs.
Useful or Useless Information
I prefer my peanut butter to be creamy and room temperature.
Pizza should be thick crust.
I don’t mind watching movies that are subtitled but dislike those of you who read them out loud in the theater.
Wolverine is my favorite comic book hero, kind of like Ghostrider too.
Not a fan of the DH.
The Giants, Celtics and Pats can lose every year and it won’t be enough.
If there happens to be a sudden stink in the elevator I may look at the guy next to me and shake my head.
Sushi, Steak and Pizza are probably my top three favorite foods, but I love a good sandwich too. Must have good bread.
Snow is something you visit and don’t live in.
Some walls will remain forever and some will be torn down.
The violin is a nice instrument until you live next to or with someone who is just learning how to play it.
My spidey sense is tingling and I am trying to suss out what to focus on and where.
If you ask me to explain and I choose to answer I say “I know things and what I know feels closer than ever but I am not sure of time frame.”
It is the sort of specific non-specific that makes people crazy but this time it is not my intent, it it just the best explanation I have.
I wonder about the hate, bile and venom being pumped out because our collective political differences won’t allow us to accept differences in opinion.
Where is it going and what is going to happen. Are we going to see the ship tear itself to pieces and spend time fighting each other for the pieces of a disintegrating homeland or will we figure how to be better than a simple sneetch.
Trying to keep my eyes open because I don’t want to have another conversation about missed opportunities, bad circumstances or anything like that.
Except I hear dad saying it doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t plan for everything and to just roll with it.
I shake my head and tell him he fit the typical Virgo profile in many ways. The lists, the labels and the attempt to plan in spite of his words otherwise.
It doesn’t require any effort to remember him calling me one day last Spring.
“You know Josh, you are a lot more fun to talk to now. You were a pain-in-my-ass when you were younger.”
I hear the smile in his voice but I also know he is serious. He isn’t trying to offend me but he isn’t trying to spare my feelings either.
It would be fitting to say it took almost fifty years for him to feel that confident but we had that conversation in 2013 when I first moved here.
“I don’t worry about you figuring it out anymore. You are going to be fine.”
He is right, I am and I will, but damn…
It is only two months.