If I told you that in the middle of one of the largest storms I have ever been in I heard something and instantly knew who and what was being said you might shake your head or roll your eyes.
I know because there was a time when I would have done the same but I know better now and it matters not whether you get it or not.
Because some things simply are what they are and I stopped fighting that particular battle many years ago and given my ability to fight without respite this speaks to me.
Remake & Rework
If you are going to cover an Everly Brothers song you better be as good as these two.
I want to get in the car and just drive, destination unknown. I want to take that vacation I so desperately need and find myself.
Not because I am truly lost or confused but because transition time is here and I here that singing in the wires again.
But at this particular moment it is my voice I hear and the call is to come find me. It is to put down the work and responsibilities and take a little walkabout.
It is to continue decompressing and to remember all that happened so that it can be let go of.
Doesn’t have to or need to be forgotten, but some of it has to be given up. Some of it can’t be carried any longer, further or higher.
We’re done with that.
Time to remake and rework.
I got some news earlier that makes me uncomfortable because I am not sure what to do with it. Can’t decide if it is meaningful, significant and or important.
Would have given the old man a call and bounced it off of him. Would have said I don’t like feeling like I am on the outside looking in with this kind of situation.
He would have told me to just roll with it and not waste energy on things I have no control over. I would have said ok.
But I can’t guarantee I would take that advice. Sometimes I did as he suggested and sometimes I did as I do.
That was the promise he made me when I was young. “When you are a grownup you can make your own choices.”
I did and am still doing that.
But unlike a few decades past I don’t need to go my own way to prove my independence. Now I do it if it makes sense.
Sometimes if you feel like someone is trying to do you dirty you sit back and let it happen because you can wipe that dirt off and fling it back at them.
But not always.
Does It Have To Get Worse Before It Gets Better?
Another guy is arguing with me about politics. He is throwing out facts and yelling because I call them fiction
“You can’t say those things just because you don’t like them.”
I smile and tell him some things can’t be debated.
“Math and science. You can tell me you don’t believe in gravity and I can watch you step off a six foot table and magically float to earth.
You can tell me that 2+2 equals 12 and I can demand you prove it. Since you can’t and you won’t I can comfortably say you are peddling fiction.”
He grumbles at me and says I am terrible to argue with.
I say if it makes him feel good to go ahead and rationalize things like that.
“You make people hate you. You know that right.”
“You don’t hate me, you hate yourself for being an ignorant fuck who discovered he isn’t smart enough to win a fight he was certain was over.”
The not very witty banter continues and he asks me what I am not saying. I wink and quote Neruda, “In one kiss you’ll know all I haven’t said.”
“Does that crap actually work with women?”
“Only the ones that want to kiss you. Try not to show them you are an idiot and you might have a shot at convincing the deaf, blind and mute one to spend time with you.”
He tells me I am a jerk and I smile.
“Have you ever shared that particular quote with a girl?”
“I don’t know if I shared that particular one but I said something about one kiss changing everything.
“Did it work?”
“It depends. When she was happy with me I was told it made sense and when she was unhappy I was told it was stupid and that she would never touch me again. You tell me what to believe.”
A short while later I am alone with my thoughts and think about the current administration and the havoc they are are wreaking.
“Will things have to get worse before they get better?”
The reflection doesn’t answer so I shrug my shoulders at him and walk away.
The problem with the news is I feel like someone wrote a bunch of equations on a chalkboard thinking it would make them look smart.
But throwing numbers and symbols out doesn’t make sense. You can’t just stuff them into a plan and say they make sense because you have given them context.
That context may not fit the way you want and all you have is done is create a giant mess that someone is going to have to clean up.
Measure twice and cut once.
I confess it is kind of funny to read those words from me because I am very much a “do it and ask forgiveness and or fix it later” kind of guy.
But I don’t create too many messes that are impossible to correct or clean up because even though I color outside the lines I have a plan that I work with and or have thought through.
Or at least that is what I tell myself.