“This isn’t a good conversation for us to have. I appreciate your interest but I would prefer not to discuss this.”
The confused look on his face makes it clear he is going to press the issue so I tell him I am respectfully suggesting we don’t go any further because we aren’t going to agree.
“Can you tell me in two minutes or less why we can’t find a way to compromise?”
I take a deep breath, “he is not my savior. I am comfortable in my beliefs and you can’t read, write or speak Hebrew. There is a fundamental disconnect here and I prefer not to insult you or be insulted.
Can’t we just accept that we have different beliefs and I am confident the most important thing we can do is be good people. That doesn’t require a belief in any sort of higher power. Also, I don’t believe in original sin or using scare tactics like eternal damnation to encourage people to behave in a certain manner.”
I Know Why You Are So Angry
He tells me he knows why I am so angry and I cut him off.
“If you try to tell me I am angry because I haven’t met your G-d you better do it from the bottom of the stairs because I can’t promise I won’t help you figure out if your god will teach you how to fly.
And if you say I was rude and or obnoxious I’ll tell you I politely asked you not to talk about this. You caught me at a bad time, but even if you had found me three seconds after I had the greatest sex of my life I would likely have used similar words.”
“I wasn’t going to say any of those things, I was going to ask if you go through life with a closed mind.”
I cannot confirm or deny that I told him he is the worst f**king salesman I have ever met or that I can throw 160 some pounds eight feet give or take a bounce and a skid.
Slip The Surly Bonds
I am in the middle of mile six and thinking about how many sets I’ll do when I hit the gym when I see plane pierce the clouds.
It is a beautiful sight and I am sad not to be able to share it with anyone.
Something about it reminds me of President Reagan’s comments about the Challenger and how the astronauts slipped the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God.
Bono and company interrupt my reverie with a couple of cuts from Rattle & Hum.
Helter Skelter and Hawkmoon 269 sing about love, chaos and madness and I nod my head because they all go together.
U2 is an old favorite but I am not a big fan of their Beatles cover, but Where The Streets Have No Name is something I’ll never tire of.
I was in high school when they shot this video. Didn’t go to see them, but I knew a lot who did and some who years later developed a memory of being there.
I Wanna Tear Down The Walls
I have been so damn busy I didn’t realize it is almost time to start looking for a place to live again.
Got a notice today about it and damn near fell down because the last thing I want to do is pack my crap and move again.
Won’t be as big a move as the last, might only be a few miles one direction or another but I am not ready to deal with it yet.
I am too busy shooting the breeze about three days in Cleveland and thinking about how damn close I am to the finish line in some areas to have to think about this now.
Kind of funny because this note about moving came just after I realized how much progress has been made and started to think that maybe, just maybe the big weight might be lifted.
Hell, it might have been nice to have gotten some more breathing room, but I’ll make this work. And I’ll do it in spite of certain plans being blown up.
Someone remind the universe there is a difference between not liking change and being able to pivot, roll and adapt.
I am not bad at it and if I can tweak a couple of things this might end up being a pretty smooth process.
The Choices We Make
The email says I am not recognized as a dad blogger and I push back.
“I don’t write about potty training or kindergarten blues anymore because I have been there and done that.
Sometimes I write about social media, technology and children. Sometimes I write about teens and driving or concerns about how close college is.
But I have to take a different approach than dads with young kids because mine read and so do their friends. They Google each other and live a digital life that is different than the childhood I knew. I have to be careful about what I say because I don’t want them to have to answer for what I write.”
****
I think about the choices I make and the sacrifices I have made for them regularly.
But I try not to put it in their face or hold them accountable for the challenges that have come along with some of it.
I knew there would be some good and some bad that came with being a father. Knew it wasn’t always going to be easy and I am cool with that.
The posts in this blog are supposed to help them understand some choices and moments.
They might not be useful or of interest until my kids have lived a little bit more and had some life experience that lends itself to some of the topics that are addressed here.
I remember being 17, 26, 34 and 42. I can relate to a lot of things by going back to those memories, but memories fade and some things change.
These posts offer a snapshot in time perhaps some perspective that I won’t find as easy to share down the road.
I didn’t expect to have to make a lot of the decisions I have made and I am sure there are more to come.
Can’t say when or how, just that life will throw something my way.
If you’re lucky someone will be there to hold your hand and choose with you. Sometimes you’ll be educated and informed and make data driven decisions.
And others, well you’ll go with your gut and see what happens.
Life is funny that way.
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