Some of you may have noticed this joint was shut down for a few days.
It was done intentionally as there was an attack by mix of troglodytes and denizens of lollipop land decided to lavish their attention upon me.
It’s not the first time the profoundly ignorant and easily manipulated come for me nor do I expect it to be the last.
Those who tried to dox me and those who addressed me as ‘bruh’ probably hoped to receive the same treatment fools like the dunce from Arkansas, the mutton head junior college math professor and frier from Lakewood received.
But it didn’t happen not because a kinder, gentler Josh is around but because I had more important things to attend to.
Many can’t see their education is/was indoctrination or that their comments lack substance and I don’t have time to engage in what my father would have referred to as nunsense.
In a short time I’ll go visit his grave and I’ll fill him on the many changes that have taken place during the last year and tell him I feel like I woke up from a coma and remember who I was, who I am and who I intend to be.
I remembered the difference between need and want.
Eight Months- You Met Your Deductible
I never expected to hit a time in life in which I could or would say it took eight months to meet my deductible. Never expected that I would have enough doctor visits or procedures for it to be a thing, but here we are.
It’s been a hell of a ride but don’t mistake any of that to mean that I’m terminally ill or worried about terminal illness. Don’t mistake it to mean that I am concerned about dying young because I am not.
I am benching well over 200 pounds and curling close to a 100 pounds in each arm. I’m moving serious iron around like I haven’t been able to do in decades.
That is not a humble brag or an attempt to gain kudos. It is me using the blog to document and memorialize key moments on a year long journey to restore body, mind and spirit.
Why?
Because I remembered the difference between need and want. Because I woke up from a coma and remember who I was, who I am and who I intend to be.
Because if you don’t track your progress it becomes difficult to engage in meaningful measurement of whether you have made the advancements you wish to make.
Because if you don’t identify the problems you can’t find solutions and because I am determined to tear down walls and rip the fucking doors off of the hinges.
It is how I roll.
I am enraged, infuriated and frustrated with a number of people and things. I can’t control what others choose to do or not do. I can’t make them treat me as I wish to be treated or force them to apologize for mistreatment.
But I can acknowledge the feeling and flick it away and focus on controlling the controllables. I can focus on my personal growth and pursue the things that I absolutely need and determine if the things I want are worth chasing down.
I am a big fan of those rules for life I posted above. They make sense to me and help me focus on doing the things that soothe my heart and feed my soul.
Some of that connects to why I write because it provides clarity, confirmation and understanding. It provides a simple way to take some of the edge off and consider what steps I wish to take.
Sometimes I laugh at this because it reminds me of moments during junior high and high school in which I was asked to engage in activities that leaned towards this kind of introspective thinking. I usually resisted it then because it held no interest for me.
But now, well now is different. Now I look at Emerson’s essay on Self Reliance and smile when I read it, especially because at 15 I found it lacking.
What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think.
This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness.
It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion;
it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
If you are interested in catching up on prior posts click here. More to come, I am just getting started.
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