Remember Me?

Remember me? I am the guy who used to update this place daily and sometimes more than once per day.

The guy who never ran out of things to share or think about and yet there has been silence here.

Could say to listen to Alan Jackson singing Remember When and that some of what he shares there is appropriate.

Or I could tell you to read the last year of posts talking about the big changes going on because some are enormous.

In less than two weeks my baby will turn 21 and about to start her senior year of college. In another day or so Facebook memories will tell me we have reached the point in July in which I remember how crazy July 2018 became.

The moment where it became clear pancreatic cancer was beginning to have its way with my Dad. The memory of him telling me to have a good life and to not worry about what he would or wouldn’t hear about.

Seven years later I have done as he asked.

Vanity & Sanity

My GI brought me in for a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago because of a few issues he wanted to check out.

He told me he found a few more polyps than the one three years ago showed and I said I strive to improve my performance in every facet of life. The pathology report came back saying all was ok with a note to come back in three years.

I said the next time we do this he needs to buy me dinner first because I am a man of deep convictions morals and and was a little uncomfortable with giving out that kind of physical intimacy without some emotional connection.

Inside my head I could hear my father say I was being ridiculous and that it was nunsense. That made me chuckle.

Later that week I increased my bench press by about 40 pounds and told Dad to take a look at that nunsense.

“I bet I can put a third plate on the bar if I want it. That’s three 45’s on either side in addition to the 45 pounds the bar weighs. Probably need a spotter, want to give me a hand?”

He didn’t answer which was good because he left this earthly plane seven years ago so it might have freaked me out a bit.

****

I stared at his picture for another moment and thought about whether I really care about getting that third plate on there. Might be 30 years since I last did it.

Thought about vanity and sanity and whether I need do it as part of my health journey or if I need it as a goal to motivate me to continue. The joints in this almost middle aged body complain when I ask certain things of them.

But if I map it out and create a plan I can get there without getting hurt. The best part of being 56 is the confidence in knowing that I am still capable of doing it if I want to but that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone but me.

I am beginning to reach a place where it is going to be necessary to start buying a new wardrobe but I am trying to hold off. I have a goal in mind and I am not there yet.

Running With The Moon

I got lost for a while and had a moment of disorientation that ticked me off because I spend most of my life with my feet planted.

Took some doing but I found my way again and I am running with the moon again but in a good way. I am blazing a trail through ground that isn’t always level and places with prickly bushes and brush.

It means there are some nicks, scrapes and bruises but nothing I can’t manage or handle.

Some ask where I expect to end up and get irritated when I respond with “where I am going” because it is non specific.

It is not a case of insouciance or a refusal to answer. I am on the path but I can’t see the end, at best I can visualize it.

So I am rolling down the highway not entirely sure of what or who I will encounter but confident it will all be handled.

Handled because I cleared the cobwebs from my eyes, reignited my metabolism and have a body that is working with me again instead of against me.

Won’t lie and say I feel 25 because that is not true, but I feel strong and I feel pretty damn good.

That is enough for now.