I Never Did Sail Wawasee

“Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you”
Bookends– Simon & Garfunkel

As they wheeled me into the room for the procedure I asked the anesthesiologist how fast she could put me out.

I started counting as soon as she put the mask upon my face but I am not sure if I got to four, though I did consider seeing if I could fight off the drug for no other reason than just because.

When I woke I noticed someone had put my glasses upon my face and that my gown was tied. I wondered how many people it had taken to make those adjustments.

Got me thinking about a time my father told me he died upon the table and how they resuscitated him. I remember talking to him about not wanting that to happen to me, because I had things to do.

He asked what and I told him I never did sail Wawassee, climb Mt. Everest or run the Ironman in Hawaii.

*****

Thought about it all today as I looked at my medical bills and thought about what else remains to be done.

Thought about it when I picked up a six foot entertainment center and carried it from the other side of the Cul-de-sac to the middle of my garage. Got my blood pumping and a nice sweat going under a 100 degree day in North Texas.

The Journey Continues

The Hero’s Journey continues and I find myself in the midst of this transformation in which I have remembered who I once was, who I became and who I am making myself into.

Thought about the people I once considered stalwart companions and among the most important in my life who are no longer in it.

Some won’t ever be a part of it again because I won’t allow it and some have chosen to remove themselves.

Occasionally I consider what I will do if they ask to return and shrug my shoulders because some things are harder to predict.

There are experiences that remind me of how very interesting life can be and how the promises we make don’t always render as we hope, wish or expect.

Time will if unanswered prayers are for good or ill.

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains
The Boxer- Simon & Garfunkel

I haven’t updated this place in a bit because my focus has been elsewhere and I needed to maintain some boundaries that weren’t being respected.

This mind, body and soul transformation is much needed, much appreciated and consuming. It is the proverbial storm people go through and when it is passed by I know things will be different.

Can’t say exactly what they will or will not look like, but I can sense the raw ferocity that surrounds me and know that I am built to handle this.

My feet are planted and my eyes are pointed towards where I plan to go but plans and intentions don’t always work as we expect or hope.

There is a mix of significant anger, some sadness and a lot of joy in there. An understanding that some who have left did so because they can’t handle the magic or no longer wished to.

So we let them go and wished them well and then we dropped the rope. What is for you won’t go past you or so the wise women say.

If you have never loved and lost you have never fully lived nor given yourself the opportunity to grow and appreciate some things in a way you never could have.

It is a bittersweet recognition of some truths but there is growth in there and sometimes growth is painful. But the rainbow that waits on the other side of the storm provides such promise and that is enough.