Dad and I are immersed in a conversation about the secrets we keep and those we share. I have let him in on one and we are picking a few things apart.
There is no judgment which in some ways surprises me yet doesn’t shock me at all. As straight laced as he may be I know whose son and grandson he is.
I know the story of our uncle who parachuted into LA during the Long Beach earthquake in 1933. We aren’t so simple, ordinary or basic as some might think, not that any of us care.
And it occurs to me that my father, who I often thought of as the ultimate rule follower had a big life outside of me. Will You Reach Out & Touch Someone?
My father died 6 years, 4 months and 21 days ago, which is 2,336 days. It was on a Monday and was in week 30 of 2018 but the conversation I refer to happened long before that.
In truth we had it on several occasions and I told him what I thought would happen, why and how it might come about.
He offered his support, told me not to paint myself into any corners and said he was confident I would figure it out.
Thought about it because I began working on some of the things I said I would do some months ago.
Some of that involves going through the blog and removing posts that aren’t part of my story any longer or no longer serve me.
In the process I came across some old ones that remind me of how long I have been on the journey and reaffirmed my belief in what I am doing.
Reaffirmed why I stopped waiting for people and life. I have cut out some and others have removed themselves and that is ok.
Boundaries
Some of what is going on is a reestablishment of boundaries and a notification of what is and isn’t tolerated.
It is why some posts are being removed and why some of those links above may yet disappear.
I wrote a long apology to someone a while back and placed it where it may or may not seen.
A person might ask what the point of an apology is if it isn’t seen and I’d say sometimes it is more important for the person who writes it to put it down than for it to be read/heard.
If I decide it absolutely needs to be seen I know how to get it to the person I wrote it to.
Writing provides accountability and I have focused on holding myself to the same standards I hold others to.
So I wrote it and reminded myself of who and what I am, what I hope to accomplish.
When you sit on the therapist’s couch you have to be honest with yourself.
Sometimes that means dealing with some hard and painful truths.
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I continue to be disgusted by those who try to lionize the murderer who assassinated the CEO of United Healthcare. Continue to be disgusted by their attempt to justify it and to claim he is like Hitler.
There is no equivalency between the two of them and the desire to say vigilante justice is ok is a sign of sickness.
Healthcare in the U.S. is in dire need of reformation. I speak as someone who went without it for a while because I couldn’t afford to cover myself and my family.
I speak as someone who once was in dire financial straits because of healthcare costs so I appreciate and understand the need for doing something to improve it.
Murder doesn’t do anything to fix the system. It does’t effect change in policy or motivate those in positions of power to do so.
I am further disgusted by those who justify it who engaged in cries about a false genocide in Gaza and who were quick to blame 45 for an attempted insurrection.
All they did was prove a lack of integrity and moral clarity. All they did was prove if someone falls into their preferred political narrative it must be true.
On a side note, I was appalled by January 6 and am disgusted by the felon saying he wants to pardon those who participated. It is shameful.
In regard to Gaza I think it is telling that Ireland says they will join South Africa’s case but is asking for there to be a change to the definition of genocide.
If you have to ask the court to change the definition of what you are trying to prove it is a pretty good sign that you have a very weak case.
Maybe You Didn’t Hear Me
Had a follow up visit with my cardiologist to go over some blood work and was pleased to see the majority of my numbers continue to improve.
My old man became diabetic somewhere in his earlyish fifties and had a series of other issues which I’d like to say culminated with his heart attack and triple bypass but I think pancreatic cancer trumps those.
Diabetes hasn’t touched me and my cholesterol has been high since I was 27.
I take statins now and haven’t ever had Dad’s love of grapefruit so I don’t have to worry about that. BP continues to drop and the amount I can lift in the gym continues to rise.
My clothes have begun to fit better and if my 19 year-old metabolism chooses to forgive me and come home we may even see faster changes.
But thus far it has been as attentive to my requests to talk as some others so who knows. Another reason why I have stopped waiting.
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I had words with someone who demanded I give them reasons why I dislike the incoming president. They tried to tell me I shouldn’t judge him by what he says, only by what he does.
So I said I am always skeptical of those who rely upon ad captandum vulgus to motivate people.
They told me “fancy talk” was why my side lost and I said they were wrong, “we all lost last time and we may all lose again.
He bungled the pandemic and a million people died. It wreaked havoc upon the economy and his solution to hand out money was part of what led to the inflation we have seen.
When you have to worry about simple things like whether you will have enough toilet paper or if you ought to collect pine cones you need to be concerned.
When you have to worry about fools who wish to attack vaccines and basic healthcare you ought to wake up.”
They didn’t want to accept any of that and tried to push back and I rolled my eyes.
So I gave it one last shot and said he was tiny, pathetic man. I shared the shot below and said a real leader wouldn’t feel the need to engage in junior high antics.
They justified it and when they asked me what I thought I said they too were a tiny, pathetic person.
They told me they thought I couldn’t take a joke and I said if they were lucky they or someone they love would get polio.
That led to an accusation of being particularly mean and I snorted.
“Ok, you are part of a cult that demonstrates how the Salem Witch Trials took place and why we hear stories about good Germans’ but if it makes you feel good to call me mean I am ok with it.”
I don’t think they followed my sarcasm but I am ok with that.
Not everyone will like or agree with us and some of those who don’t aren’t deserving of being called good people who are just confused.
Some are morally compromised and that is just how it goes.
That quote above is the real point of this post, I am changing myself.
Can’t wait for others or hope that life presents the perfect or anything close to perfect opportunity. We adjust, pivot and make the best of whatever situation we are presented with.
And that is what I am doing, with or without others.
Well… as someone who, indirectly, is now a part of the UHC, I should be horrified by what happened. However, as someone who’s been in health care for over 40 years, on the finance side of things (not working for insurance companies), I’m surprised it took this long for something like this to happen.
Let me preface this by saying I’d never do it. With that said, I understand. He was approved for his procedure, then denied after they performed it… not once, but twice. You don’t play with people in pain, especially if your name shows up in the news, being investigated by the Dept of Justice as, along with your cohorts, got paid a lot of money then sold all your shares for even more money.
I’ve been waiting for it to happen for just over 30 years. I knew the financial side was coming, but never to the extent it’s come to. I’m in the process of trying to find a secondary insurance now that I’m on Medicare, and what’s come to fruition is that my resistance towards Medicare Advantage plans has been confirmed. Whatever I end up with is going to cost more money, but my deductibles will cost a lot less.
I’ll end it here, otherwise it’ll become a novel.
I can understand and appreciate the anger. I pay a ridiculous amount in premiums and have been in a place where I was approved, rejected and told to appeal. It was senseless, ridiculous and infuriating.
I understand the anger without question, but I don’t understand the support for murder especially from people who have spent years enraged about January 6.
I worry about a breakdown in society in which we allow for vigilante actions as long as they fit our political beliefs.
If we don’t learn how to speak with each other again we’re in big trouble.