Stumbled onto this David Crosby song the other day and played it a couple of times because it caught me.
Been in a funny place and have been navigating by touch and feel letting instinct drive me.
Not easy.
Reminds me of the last few times I went cliff diving, had to run and jump without thinking about it because if I gave it time I wondered if I really could fly.
I could tell you about how a friend jumped off the same rock and how it looked ok when she hit the water. If I close my eyes I can hear her screaming as she rose from the shallow part of the lake.
Her leg was broken.
Sounds stay with me, the crack my nose made when I got hit and the one my ankle made when it turned the wrong direction.
But the devil inside doesn’t care and even now he encourages me to jump off of the stairs, the roof or whatever.
Made it safely every other time, only got hurt when others got involved.
Here I am, in a different place, different person hearing the bells inside my head, no longer ignoring it.
Breathe Your Air & Let Fear Find You– the voice drives me, so even if it is uncomfortable and scary– got to write it down—here or elsewhere.
My buddy Hans is playing one of his songs and it is the soundtrack for this section.
Someone asked me about an experience and why I did what I did.
“It was hard to watch. It was the equivalent of watching you get knocked down over and over and you never gave up. But it wasn’t a good kind of determination. You punished yourself and I don’t know why.”
“It wrecked me, but I had an idea I was following. There wasn’t as much insanity there as you might think. I didn’t see any way to get to the other side without doing it and no one else could do it for me. I was alone and apart, but I knew why.”
****
Stuck in a waiting room, mask on, socially distanced waiting for blood to be drawn I flip around YouTube and come across this scene with Desmond and Penny and think about how some people loved the show and some didn’t.
There are layers upon layers in it and if you didn’t get it, well you didn’t get it and that is ok.
It was an experience and some things aren’t shared. Sometimes because we all react and respond differently and sometimes because you haven’t had the moment that serves as the key.
“I’ll see you in another life, brother.”
So many ways to interpret and understand that, but we’ll save those discussions for a different day.
Music Break
Everybody’s Talkin’-Nilsson
White Rabbit-Grace Slick Vocals Isolated
Knocking on Heavens door– Johnny Cash Cover
Harvest Moon– Neil Young
The Battle of Evermore– Led Zeppelin
Late November– Sandy Denny
