Wasn’t going to write tonight here or elsewhere but had a day that felt like someone made me sit on a bicycle without a seat.
Those days are fun, especially after you throw Epsom salt in the tub so you can clean up the blood and make your muscles feel better.
There was a time long ago or maybe last week when someone accused me of roaring at them.
I disagreed with their assessment but ultimately liked the idea that I had roared but it didn’t prevent me from refusing to say another word.
There is power in silence and the time is coming for some to remember I can be twice as quiet as I am loud. There is a time when I am done and if you let me reach it I likely will choose to remain there.
Value me or don’t.
Saw a note from the realtor who helped me sell the house I once owned a decade before now and took a look at their site.
They still list my home under sales they closed. I clicked upon it and saw pictures that reminded me of a different life.
The kitchen we remodeled, furniture once owned and pictures of young children who are no longer so young or little.
Reminded me I looked into selling that place fourteen or so years ago and using the profits to buy a bigger home here.
Won’t regal you with why it did or didn’t happen, instead I’ll tell you about the missionary who tried to witness to me.
I said I am not afraid to die and he said I ought to be.
“Die today, die tomorrow, die someday. Got no choice in the matter so I don’t worry about it. Prefer that it not be painful.”
“You can guarantee yourself the gift of eternal life.”
“Let me stop you right there, not interested in discussing it.”
He made another soft attempt and I told him I am very comfortable with my beliefs and I’ll find out if I made a mistake…one day.”
He cocked his head and started to say something but I cut him off.
“I once told a girl she ought to take advantage of spending time with me because sometimes life is short. Can you provide any love potions, like number 9.”
There was a deep sigh and then he said he would reluctantly let me be but wanted to invite me to join him for fellowship and study any time.
I nodded and smiled and said no thank you to the card he tried to hand me.
Almost asked him about love potion 9 again and witchcraft but decided it really wasn’t worth my time. Wasted enough by not simply walking away.
****
The funny thing about seeing my old house is I realize I haven’t felt rooted to anywhere since the sale.
Everywhere since has been a stop for an indefinite amount of time.
Bounced around whether to buy or not buy something here in Texas but haven’t really looked real hard at it.
Been in the current place in Texas longer than anywhere other than that aforementioned house.
There are no imminent plans to leave and given that I very much enjoy my job I expect to be around for quite some time. Might not be in the current place, but somewhere around here.
Here meaning it could be a little east or west by a half dozen miles or so, maybe more, maybe less.
Lots of good stuff happening and plenty of reason to be optimistic and happy about many things, but it doesn’t remove the frustration or sting of a few others.
Some of those simply take time.
There are some experiences in life that change you in profound and unexpected ways.
I am fortunate enough to have had a few and to be aware of them, to know I want to go take another bite or lick.
Part of it is because memory can play tricks on you and you can add weight to that which doesn’t deserve it.
But you can also subtract it from that which does.
So sometimes you go back so your head confirms that which your heart and body already know.
