Pulled into the parking lot of the Target off of Glade and smiled because it is the first I got to know in DFW.
Blame it on destiny, luck or proximity to the airport if you’d like, but it hold memories for me.
There used to be a pizza place Double Dave’s that I would order from but that location is no longer there.
Took a moment in the parking lot to catch my breath, cool off and looked for comments on the post from the prior night.
The plan hadn’t been to stop there but after two business stops in Fort Worth and an unplanned visit to the Stockyards I was a sweaty mess and in need of a drink and a john.
****
Started my day with a run to the local hardware store to pick up two air filters because the heat has arrived and I need the AC to run well.
Thing needs a tune up that extends beyond my abilities but we do what we can with what we have.
So I climbed into the attic to change the big filter and damn near fell out of it.
Used to be easier to get around in there but the last HVAC guy ran a line that requires me to limbo my way around.
The near fall confirmed yet again my reflexes are still pretty sharp and I have enough strength in my right arm to do one arm pull ups. Haven’t figured out if that requires motivation like not falling on my head.
Man at the Stockyards watched me wipe sweat from my brow and said this weather is heart attack time.
I smiled and said it is not so bad if you know your limits.
He looked at me and asked if I know mine.
“Haven’t found them yet, but one day maybe I will.”
He smiled and said I sound like a young man and I just nodded my head.
Walked through a little farther and made my way to the new hotel. It’s an upscale place with a mostly empty lobby.
Took advantage of an overstuffed chair and the good AC and stared off at nothing in particular.
Won’t be long before family arrives and we come back to show them a slice of Texas.
I am sure we’ll go to Finchers and I’ll remember that visit there with my folks in 2013.
Takes a moment for me to realize I am furious and that my anger is at a level where I shouldn’t even look at people because if it possible for lasers to shoot out of my eyes it will happen.
It’s the bartender standing 40 feet from me, something about him reminds me of Dad and it occurs to me in a couple of days I’ll have his grandchildren here and he won’t be along.
It is the first gathering outside of his funeral and unveiling and I am pissed that he isn’t here.
People told me moments like this would come by surprise and they were right. It is not the first time, but this one caught me off guard.
****
There are echoes in my head of conversations with him. A mix of memories where we are laughing and some where we are screaming at each other.
I can see him lying in the bed telling me what he wanted me to do and his expression when I told him what I planned to do.
“Writing it down and putting it out there. Some things have to be said.”
He gives me a deep sigh and smiles. This is one of our moments, belongs to us alone, father and son.
I know there won’t be many more, if any. The days of being a son to my father are almost over.
At least in the sense of his being around for this sort of face-to-face conversation.
We still have them, but they are limited to my thoughts about what he would say. I am the oldest of the Wilner men and that still surprises me.
No one asks if you are ready for such a thing, they expect you to put on the crown and go to work.
So I did.
Epilogue
I have been thinking about June 2013 and how it set in motion some things that are part of life today.
There are things from then that could be pulled from events of 2003 or 2004 that stretched into that future of 2013 and that makes me snort.
Because it is not hard to connect the dots between moments in so many different ways. Heck, if you put half an effort in you can find a way to connect the beginning of your life.
So I start to pick the moments apart and divide them into the really big ones. There is no particular reason, curiosity drives me.
Curiosity and a sense that one of the major questions I have wrestled with is tied into this and that I ought to think about it for a moment.
Wrote about it the other night, might go back and look at what I wrote to see if it makes sense or might just leave it.
Can’t push the river, but I can sail through whatever waters I encounter.
