Been thinking about what I wrote here and words placed elsewhere. Some read what I said and told me they had no interest in discussing it while others read my words and said nothing.
It is a funny and peculiar world as I shrugged my shoulders at the former and took the silence of the latter as agreement and consent.
Thought about depth, history and trust and how sometimes we give it even though we may not want to because to do so requires vulnerability we may not be certain we want to give.
Vulnerability that leads down paths that can be damn exciting and damn scary for damn sure.
Why so many damns?
Because I can’t say here what I would say in a face-to-face conversation or maybe more accurately, I choose not to because I want to be certain others listen and hear what I say.
It is the most frightening and least scary thing I can think of wanting to do in recent memory. And ain’t that a hoot, the contradiction that comes with wondering what the fuck you are thinking while being certain it has to be done and that it will be ok.
A shared curiosity and desire for answers.
There is a story I could tell you about carrying a cougar. It is the kind of tale you might shake your head in amazement and ask what the hell someone was thinking.
But you might also call it amazing, exceptional and something that would bring tears of joy to those with a knowing eye and a listening ear.
Rumor has it some people will persevere with the kind of advocates this story contains but that is a chapter to be written and shared in a different book.
This one is different and we won’t delve deep here. We’ll just say some people notice when you are not around and others don’t.
If you aren’t spending time with those who notice your presence and your absence you might want to consider who you spend your time with.
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That is something I have thought about at length, who I want to spend time with.
There are people I want to see face-to-face because their presence means something to me. There are people who think I ought to be spending time with them and their crowd but fail to recognize how unwelcoming they are.
They are the first to embrace others and say they want to help ease their pain but they never come to my group and offer to do the same.
Recent events have forced me to be very aware of who has my back and who doesn’t. To be aware that there are those who I vociferously disagree with but consider real allies because they would be forced to wear the same star as I am.
Just another sneetch.
The answer is sometime during this last week or so, but it might have between before.
It happened when I looked around, listened and watched people say you can murder some groups indiscriminately because they deserve it.
The same people took up arms to protect others and demand justice but that is not something they think we deserve.
They are clothe themselves in words like progressive and intersectionalism and arm themselves with righteous indignity towards anyone who they consider stronger than another.
They tell you that if you have more money and more influence than others you probably got it by being unfair and or having unfair advantages.
In their eyes it is not possible for you to have acquired it honestly.
They’re on a quixotic mission to make everyone even in every way and seem to have forgotten a rising tide lifts all ships. You can’t reach a place where every little thing is even and everyone can say they have got as much as another.
It is unrealistic and impractical.
But you can do more to make sure everyone has access to that rising tide. You can do more to give people a hand up when they need it and access to more resources.
That can be done and it can happen with less fighting and confusion. It can be done without accusing people who have more of being bad simply because they have it.
There is a balance that seems to be missing.
Sometimes you reach out and your hand remains empty because of timing and circumstance. And sometimes you try again and discover that which made it impossible no longer does.
There is a time and cycle for everything.
Sometimes the carousel pony comes back around at the right time, provided your eyes are open.
All you have to do is be willing to stretch and take a chance because you just might fly.
