It was a particularly strange yet normal weekend in which I realized I don’t just want answers, I need them.
It is not just Paradise By The Dashboard Light in the air but this need to get answers that makes me know I am going to hit the highway like a battering ram in search of those answers.
Maybe I am damned if I do and maybe I am damned if I don’t, won’t know, can’t know without taking a risk.
But that is life, one big risk away from grabbing that brass ring or the pain of knowing you never took your shot.
We do the best we can with the information we have at the time we have it and recognize it doesn’t always go as we expect or hope.
דער מענטש טראַכט און גאָט לאַכט
Der mentsh trakht un got lakht/Man plans and God laughs.
The man asks me if I understand that I have taken a serious risk and wonders if I really appreciate what it means.
“I am not afraid to stand up and be counted and often willing to take action and apologize afterwards. Will that cause issues and create chaos?
It might but paralysis of analysis can cause multiple problems too. This is who I am and I understand that it doesn’t work for everyone. It takes all kinds of make the world go round.
The biggest regrets I have almost always came from not taking a chance.”
I couldn’t see him nod his head, but I felt him do it
****
Just for kicks I pulled up a calculator to show my age and came up with the following nonsense.
I am as of this evening:
51 years, 11 months, and 24 days old.
or 51.982 years old.
or 623.8 months old.
or 2,712.3 weeks old.
or 18,986 days old.
or 455,664 hours old.
or 27,339,840 minutes old.
or 1,640,390,400 seconds old.
You can’t see inside my head but I am reviewing accomplishments and thinking about what else I want to do with the remaining days this week and however many I get after.
I need answers to a few things and that will help inform some of what I do but not all. Some things will remain unknown because it is impossible to see through the veil.
There are some solid predictions about what will come and what will transpire. Some things aren’t hard to foresee but there is enough out there that lies just beyond sight that will have to wait until the day and moment they take place.
I suppose I can live with that and not just because there are no options but because life needs some mystery. I know many things and have had many experiences so I am confident there is more magic.
Got to just take it one day at a time and get some of those answers as I can, ideally sooner than later.
