Since some of you very fine folks are having internet issues I am posting fewer links than normal in this post but very well might put the best stuff in secret messages or on private blogs where only the very special may roam.
Been a hell of a week and something about it reminded me that echoes from the past are heard in the future and the present and sometimes they burn, burn, burn.
Walked away from a few discussions in which the poorly informed tried to convince me that Ted Cruz running away during a state emergency isn’t a big deal and that it is just a bad look.
It is tied into the who argue with stupid people and win stupid prizes expression but it took some effort because I wanted to wake some of these people up.
Wanted to ask one new dad to try to imagine what it would be like to be in a position in which he really had to worry about the safety of his young kids.
I worry about mine because it is part of parenting but I don’t worry about some things. They are big people now and if for some reason we would have had to go somewhere to stay warm they would have looked out for themselves.
If we would have had to walk to a store to get food I could have trusted one or both of them to go and worried about their ability to cross the street, purchase food or deal with extended time in the cold the way someone with toddlers and infants would.
But that is how life is, people who haven’t been put in particular situations find it easy to ignore because they were never at risk and neither was anyone they cared about.
Time to shift gears.
Set Me On Fire
Sing that same song along with Bruce and wonder if it is heard, felt and understood.
Ask yourself if tyou are wandering through that secret garden towards an empty castle and woods that extend for miles but are occupied only by you and ghosts of the past.
Big black train comin’ down the track
Blow your whistle long and long
One minute you’re here
Next minute you’re gone
I lay my penny down on the rails
As the summer wind sings its last song
One minute you’re here
Next minute you’re gone
Baby, baby, baby
I’m so alone
Baby, baby, baby
I’m coming home
Down on my knees in front of a dishwasher that has backed up again, clearing out a clog, feeling like I am doing the manly thing while I stick my hands in water that has been sitting for a day and might even be colder than my tiny black heart.
Kids are at that age where they are happy to call upon me for very specific situations but less happy to be asked to learn how to do this unless it is on their terms.
They told me I talked to them about using kitty litter instead ice melt and they know I am buying a snow shovel and grabbing a few more tools just to have.
“How many flashlights do I own? How many times have you seen me check batteries and or double check that there are tools and jumper cables in the car?
Do you have any reason to believe I am going to change or that you want be indoctrinated with Pure Wilner man knowledge.”
It is not a question and even if it were they wouldn’t answer unless it was to agree or because they wanted to poke the bear.
Can’t fault them for that because I still do it and probably always will
Look at them both and tell them sometimes you need to be fearless and be willing to say things that might cause your heart and or soul to be consumed by others.
“A minute of courage or insanity sometimes goes a long way. Learn the difference between them and when to use one or the either. She/he might say yes to whatever you ask both personally and professionally. Use it when needed but be judicious.”
Epilogue
Inside my head I can hear my paternal grandfather say “I have said my peace” and see my father straighten up just a little bit.
Wasn’t something he said very often at all but I remember cocking my head to the side when father reacted as sons do because it wasn’t common to see.
Dad used the line with me a handful of times but I only remember those from time in my forties, the last after I spelled out my intentions in a couple of areas.
He shared his opinion, said I ought to be cautious about speaking about some things and finished with “I have said my peace” and smiled.
The smile made it clear I had his support and that he trusted me to figure it out. By that time I didn’t need his approval or validation to do anything because I had already proven to myself that I was my own man, but I liked having it anyway.
Thought about the craziness of the winter storm and how active my mind was at playing mental chess.
Remembered standing in our old laundry room while the house shook, listening to glass break and hearing my sisters scream downstairs.
Dad told me to go check on them while he checked out the gas line to the dryer. A few hours later during daylight he and drove across town to pick up my grandparents.
I remember asking him what he hit and him saying “aftershock” and the two of us passing by collapsed apartment buildings, car crashes and chaos.
“Keep your eyes open. Take a breath and don’t panic.”
Snowmageddon had a few familiar moments that made me think back to that Monday back in January of ’94. It wasn’t the same as the earthquake, but there were echoes.
So many stories. So much to say. So much to share and discuss. So much silence.
