Somewhere around my 44th birthday I followed a gut feeling and went down a familiar path to explore an opportunity that could change the future.
I did so without reservation even though I suspected it might not go as I hoped, dreamed or planned because the big rewards always come with some risk.
It went as I hoped and as things progressed I saw additional opportunity but reminded myself to be patient and to walk with my eyes open.
Another opportunity arose and I agonized over taking it because of the impact it might have upon the initial one. I went forward with trepidation and hope there would be a way to make it all work.
Things fell apart through no fault of any particular person but because of circumstances. And though I tried to find a solution and looked for intersections it didn’t work.
Sometimes those things happen and so I walked away thinking maybe there would be another chance in the future.
Time passed and circumstances conspired to put me in a position in which there might be an opportunity to revisit things.
For a long while it seemed impossible and I focused on becoming comfortable as a lone wolf. The pack had left me or maybe I had left it and I concluded the reason didn’t matter because I was better alone.
Went through more than a few trials and overcome situations that in hindsight might be described as adventures because that is what you say when you go through hell on your own
More time passed and I woke up one day and realized something had changed though I couldn’t put my finger on what that was.
It was a feeling, a sense that something had shifted and maybe the universe was ready to show me the merry-go-round of life had circled back to a place where that original opportunity had presented itself.
I took a look at it and held back because I didn’t want to feel like I was Charlie Brown racing to kick the ball in Lucy’s hands.
Made sense to try to be patient and methodical but it also made it harder because I became acutely aware of certain things.
That awareness brought a mix of smiles, excitement and a certain anxiety about being vigilant about not missing signs so that when opportunity knocked I would be ready.
It also made it a little bit harder and I remembered why we tear the bandage off quickly.
A child accused me of sending secret messages and knowing exactly what I was saying and to whom. I suggested I am not that clever and they said they believe I am
It wasn’t meant to be a compliment nor an insult, just a statement of fact.
I reminded them I am very direct with those who need to hear a particular message or those I wish to hear.
“Not everyone deserves to hear or know everything and I am more judicious with speech than many recognize. Those who need to know will be told or be granted license to find such things if they choose to.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means some thoughts are shared on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know.”
****
The weather here is notorious for rapid change but it appears the promised winter storm is single purpose of mind and not given to distraction.
‘The very fine weather folks say the current temperature is 23 but suggest the damp air makes it feel like 10 degrees.
There is an 80% chance of snow Sunday night and a promise of a high of 16 on Monday.
This city isn’t built for Jack Frost’s shenanigans and the drivers here aren’t particularly good in dry conditions so preparations have been made to stay close to home.
Moments like this are responsible for having educated me on how warm a day in the fifties can feel.
In the interim I may break out the tools and gear to dance for the weather gods and ask for sunshine on my shoulders and heat to go with it.
