I bought a treadmill in late September or maybe early October 2020 because…
Because the pandemic caused my gym to close down and I wasn’t certain when I would feel comfortable joining a new one.
Because I discovered I hadn’t been as disciplined about my diet as I thought I had.
Because I feared not doing so would lead straight to an early death.
There wasn’t any one thing that made me think so, it was just a feeling.
Given the crazy amount of collective anxiety I knew it was possible I was overthinking things.
But I also knew it would do more than help put a lid on the caloric intake, it would take the edge off.
And it did.
****
I don’t worry about how many people read these posts but I check in periodically to see if my number one fan has and to see if there are any surprises.
It is funny to me who reads and who doesn’t. Some make a point to click on the notes about past posts because they are interested and others never bother.
My words hold no interest and though they have issued the occasional compliment on my writing they ignore almost all of it and that is ok.
Maybe they think the in person time covers all my thoughts or maybe they don’t.
Can’t know if you don’t ask and I never have.
Still marching to the beat of my own drummer and he has no rhythm or maybe it is that his is different from everyone else.
Watched the news and video of a horrible accident on a freeway I used to drive daily with a mix of horror and gratitude.
I am a West Coast boy living in a city that has weather I didn’t grow up with. I can still count the number of times I have been in real snow on both hands and maybe a foot.
Could be more, not really sure but I know I have limited experience driving in it.
Not afraid of it or ice, but it took years for me to start thinking about being aware of icy roads because that doesn’t happen in LA.
Eight years ago I hit the ice and learned first hand what it means to will my car not to crash into anything.
Happened a couple of times, once on that freeway where people died today.
Reminded me I got lucky that I wasn’t lost in thought and had enough awareness not to be caught completely unaware.
I had been driving for almost 30 years when that moment happened and had put more time and miles behind the wheel than most so I could attribute experience to playing some role but it probably didn’t.
Was probably luck and nothing more.
Some things happen and you can’t prepare or plan for them. Life throws curves at you.
Friends post they are currently cancer free or beginning another round of battle so when I get tired on the treadmill I remind myself I can do more.
Sometimes I step off of it and rest, but I get back on and go again. Still can’t go as hard or as long as I want to but it is better than it was and my clothes are starting to feel like they should.
Not where I want to be, but I am on my way and sometimes that is all we can ask. Kid yelled at me at the gas station and said he could kick my ass.
I told him he is right and smiled.
He said I cut him off and maybe I did or maybe I didn’t. I am not screwing around when I say I am not sure.
Cars have blind spots and so do people. Might have happened, who knows.
He was a big boy with a baby face. Would have been a handful and one of would have crawled away feeling very embarrassed.
Might have been me, could have been. I don’t know.
If he was your average high school boy or college kid I probably would have left him wondering if he should tell his friends about the five guys that jumped him.
But he might not have been and maybe I would have talked about the biker gang I took on.
Or worse, he would have been the average and I would have found I am nowhere close to who I once was.
Never know. Shit happens and sometimes you step on ice and discover your footing isn’t anywhere close to certain.
A girl told me long ago to let go and accept that some plans will never be and some dreams will never be more than that.
I told her it is easy to say when you’re far away and not susceptible to my in person charms and primate taming abilities.
She probably rolled her eyes, but that is just a guess.
Told her to ask herself who dances with you and to think about who she wanted to dance with.
“They are not the same man. You know it and I know it.”
“Your ego is enormous. Don’t you dare follow up with what I know you will say.”
“You don’t know what I’ll say.”
“You’re a man, I know what you’ll say.”
“I am glad you noticed. I was worried you thought I was a girl.”
We went back and forth a bit and she told why I was wrong and I told her I know things and that I was a Doctor of Destiny and it wasn’t through with us.
“You don’t know what the future holds.”
“No, probably not but no one does so everything is possible and nothing is possible.”
Don’t know if it sounded cool and philosophical but that was the goal.
****
Weather app says it is 27 outside but that it feels like it is 14. Going to do more than stay cold this weekend. Got a low of 5 on Sunday and a high of 12 on Monday.
I am a little haunted by the video of a Fedex truck skidding on that icy freeway.
The news showed it from two angles and though we couldn’t see the driver you knew they were fighting to stop it.
And the comments of the person who took a video, asking drivers to slow down and then cursing each time one hit the cars in front of it is replaying in my head.
It is frightening losing control of your vehicle and must be even scarier waiting to get hit by the car(s) behind you.
Cold.
