The younger Mr. Wilner turns 20 in a week or so which means the email account I checked last night is slightly older than 20 years.
It is the first and only shared address and for a while was used to send out baby pictures and family announcements and then it became obvious that a shared address was silly and not something we wanted so it was semi abandoned.
I am the only one who ever checks it anymore and that is about once every whenever it occurs to me which is to say not often.
Last night I took a look because there are a few older family members who can’t remember not to use it who occasionally communicate that way and it seemed like a good time to check.
There was a message in it from a man whose name I knew but have never met, one of the ‘exes’ who maintain some contact and whose presence I never cared about.
Normally I wouldn’t bother to look at it, but the subject line made me check it.
It was conspiracy theory claptrap about the election and for a moment I wondered if I ought to engage and then I said “fuck it, you send this crap to a shared email you deserve that you get in response.”
Mentioned it at dinner tonight and my daughter asked if there was a response and I said I hadn’t bothered to check because it’s clear we encountered an idiot.
The younger Mr. Wilner said “that is polite for you” and I nodded my head, because my response was relatively sedate.
When they insisted on checking out if there was a response I said ok but reminded all I reserved the right to reply.
Wasn’t going to, but was irked by the stupidity of it and the author’s refusal to hold Trump the failure accountable for anything, but more so by his promoting the idea that we ought to attack the root of our democracy and overturn a legitimate election.
So I replied and said that anyone who called 300k dead Americans hyperbole and the result of an emotional response is an ignorant fool but left out the part about offering to kick him in the balls to see if everything the opposition says is fake.
And then I told them “exes” are weird and one of mine just announced she is becoming a grandma. I am not old enough to be a grandparent and certainly no one I once dated is, so…
I won’t bother checking to see if there is a response because there will be and I don’t care. If you buy Trump’s lies about fraud you’re blind, ignorant and or mentally ill.
None of those lead me to see any upside to going back and forth with someone I have no respect for so I won’t waste any more time.
As my old man would have said, “Fuck ’em.”
****
Had a pretty healthy snort of Vodka a short while ago so my unfiltered nature is even more unfiltered. I may use that for writing but won’t do it here because of the boundaries.
But I’ll say I feel a very familiar ache and felt it before the alcohol. Shook my head and sighed because every time I have ever thought I had it figured out something happened that proved me wrong.
I am certain here that I need some answers and certain I know 87.8% of what I need to and that I am on the path to getting the rest of it answered.
Destiny calls and while I can’t guarantee the final outcome I can guarantee part of it, but again, not sharing it here.
It is not the place nor space and has nothing to do with my trying to give myself room to adapt my answer to whatever happens.
Ballerina
You must have seen her
Dancing in the sand
Now she’s in me
Always with me
Tiny dancer in my hand
Oh, oh, how it feels so real
Lying here, with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer, tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
You had a busy day today- Tiny Dancer
The calls come in asking when I am going to be in Los Angeles, Shreveport and Brooklyn by way of Atlanta.
I tell them it is coming sooner than they think but not as fast as they want and then look at the calendar. Got to spend some time discussing and debating with bankers followed by dictats and dialogue with a variety of others.
One man yells on the phone and is surprised when he hears me growl and tell him he needs to change his tone.
“Be respectful and you’ll get results but bark at me and you’ll be disappointed.”
He asks me if I want him to take it to a higher authority and I offer to conference two people in. There is a pause and a “I am serious” but I don’t give any ground.
“Let’s get this out of the way. I’ll make the call now and I’ll say you demand satisfaction and that I haven’t given it. I’ll outline it with the five examples you just used and then you’ll be angry with two people. I am very good at some things but I am not a magician or psychic.”
Another pause, followed by acceptance a softer request for help.
“I’ll do what I can within the constraints of reality.”
Later on they ask if they sounded stupid and I don’t answer.
“You could say no.”
“I could.”
“But you won’t.”
“No, I won’t.”
“So you’re saying I sounded stupid.”
“I didn’t say anything. Please don’t make assumptions about who you think I am or what you think I believe. I am not easily labeled. I am like most people, a contradiction.”
We speak for a few more minutes and then I end the call. I haven’t any interest in explaining myself or giving him more time to realize I think he sounds like a fool.
There really isn’t upside with this one, only down and I have challenges to overcome without that.
Got more important things to work on.
