The Seven Mothers That Could Have Been

Clearing out old boxes in the garage is a good way to take an unscheduled journey through the past and sometimes on a flight of fancy about the lives you could have led.

There is evidence of the seven mothers that could have been, assuming that seven is an accurate recollection of an almost middle aged life.

If you count things in a certain way the number could be higher and then again it could be far smaller too.

There were those who talked of marriage who were told in no uncertain terms that was never going to be part of the plan and those who might have been had things gone a different way…maybe.

Truth is when it is 30 something and you’re not wearing a coat there isn’t much effort put into reminiscing because it is not particularly interesting.

Some things are so very done you can’t figure out what the hell made you think they were ever  a good idea and others wouldn’t recognize who you are now, let alone who you are becoming.

The Medium Of Medium

The younger Mr. Wilner and I are playing video games together, grunting and laughing in that way men sometimes communicate.

He watches me destroy pixels in the most violent way I can and asks who pissed me off.

“Who said I am pissed. I am just zoning out.”

“You have that look Dad, I know it.”

It makes me smile, he is right because someone turned the burner to high and fury has arrived but it is intermixed with significant joy.

The contradiction is impossible for me to ignore but there is no one to discuss it with and I don’t know that I care about it, because I grew accustomed to it.

I need some time to process it and figure out if the cause is what I think it is, pretty certain about it because I am afraid to take deep breaths.

Afraid to say I know things because if I am wrong this time it will be a significant pain, the kind that wakes you up and makes you wonder why it couldn’t have just knocked you out.

But, it could be the exact opposite and how sweet would that be.

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Been tooling around a bit with the blogs on Medium because I keep hearing it is good for writers and it makes sense to check it out.

Use the Medium of Medium to see what kind of magic we can create.

Except there is a part of me that has been thinking of taking an extended break from the word craft.

Haven’t made a decision yet, just playing around with it.

Changed the cover on my personal Facebook page and that ticked a couple of buttons inside my head, made me ask what I am doing and if I am good with it.Seven Years And Then Some

Been seven years and then some since the kids in the picture took those shots and neither look quite like that anymore.

Won’t be going to the car show this year but there is a pretty good chance I’ll be getting a car so I am starting to think about what I want.

Trying to decide if it is time to move from a sedan back to an SUV with a very small chance of joining the truck crowd here in the Lonestar state.

It is not my first choice, but there are some possibilities tied to the professional world that could lead that way, but they’re unlikely.

It is a mix of excitement and irritation that comes with the car. A combination of not being the sole decision maker and the usual questions about finances.

There is enough to get a vehicle, but will it be one that I really appreciate or one that is just ok.

When you are in your twenties you can get excited about settling but at this point there is a place beyond settle that I want to hang my hat on.

I want to feel good about it and not feel like I just scraped by. Don’t need to drive something that is flashy and calls attention because of brand because this isn’t a mid life crisis,

It is that space where you don’t mind spending to get reliability, economy, safety and comfort at a level above something that screams meh.

Trying to identify that and come to consensus can be challenging so there is that wish for a bundle of cash that turns it from a process into simple decision because a mistake is easily fixed.

Ultimately it will work because I know how to make things work, but damn if I didn’t wish there were fewer moments of having to make it work and more of things just working.