You don’t expect to hear someone ask if you have ever been inside a Shmata but if you are me you answer the question with a smile.
“Many times and in a variety of places. Not sure why you are asking, but yeah. It was so intimate no one knew I began and that Shmata ended or vice-versa.”
I don’t think they understood my response or were sure what to make of it and I was good with it because if you are going to ask personal questions I am going to give you some kind of answer and you’ll say “Josh must have been in some kind of mood.”
It might have been true because sometimes you miss wearing your favorite Shmata because there is a comfort that comes along, a scent that makes you think of home.
Cue Lou Reed and let’s take a Walk On The Wild side.
The Masked Gentlemen
A pair of masked gentlemen entered the domicile to deliver and set up a new treadmill and I couldn’t be more excited because without the help rendered by it I think I would be in serious jeopardy of slipping over the side of the cliff.
And though I am mostly bulletproof such a fall would have been among the nastier experiences of my life and that is not hyperbole.
I feared not having it because I could feel anchors upon my ankles and though I am blessed with some ridiculous physical strength it wouldn’t have been enough.
But now things are different.
Now I have another tool and resource I can use to begin repairing what was broken.
Already worked up a good sweat earlier and will do so again after I finish banging this out because I am determined to make a change.
Some of you know that when I really commit to such changes I am relentless and I can go for decades in pursuit of a goal.
So here we are in pursuit of retooling and reworking an almost middle aged man in ways that hasn’t been done before.
Got some weights and now I have the cardio tool I needed to help push things in the right direction and so we move forward.
One of the boys told me he is angry because of the way things are and that he wants to change things. I told him I understand and that I have looked at my reflection and growled “you’re missing out” at it.
“Did he respond? I can’t imagine a time where you didn’t respond, even if it was your own reflection.”
I thanked him for the compliment and said I wasn’t kidding about feeling like I have missed out on some things.
Told him I had a couple of big opportunities that I shouldn’t have passed upon and that sometimes it is hard not to be angry or feel some regret about it.
“Most of the time I am pretty good about not letting myself get caught in the trap of wondering what would have happened. Life might have been better and it could have been significantly so. Might have been worse, though I don’t really believe that.
All I can confirm is it would have been different but the most honest truth is I think I blew a couple of moments.”
He told me he couldn’t decide if that was the saddest thing he had ever heard or if there was something else.
“It is only sad if I haven’t learned from it. It is only sad if I lie and say I would make the same choices over again because I wouldn’t.
I’d do it differently but since I can’t go back I have to go forward and be ready to take some of those chances I passed upon and to go a different direction if opportunity comes.
I am good with that and if it doesn’t, well I am good with that too because I have come to terms with the other.”
He asked if I believed that and I said ‘wholeheartedly’ but added I reserve the right to change my mind.
Tomorrow is a new day filled with new opportunities. Never do know what the tide will bring in, could be something amazing.
It is what makes life so damn interesting, doesn’t it.
