Those few who know a thing or two might understand why I say I hit the wall today and why it feels like the wall hit back.
Got emails all weekend long that prevented full relaxation and I answered them because sometimes you can’t hide though I thought about it.
Thought about my mental health and mulled over how much of a beating one can go through when you have a choice and decided to try and push through.
When there is no escape nor way to avoid a situation the solution seems simple to me, albeit painful.
Push on through.
Get it over with because you can’t get to the other side by sitting upon the shore contemplating whether there are sea monsters waiting to wreck your ship or storms that will do the same.
You push on ahead and try to be the captain of your own destiny.
But if I said I didn’t wonder about taking four or five days for myself I would be lying. If there were no potential consequences I would do it because the quiet would allow me to recharge my batteries– but I am uncertain about those aforementioned consequences.
I didn’t choose this particular path without a goal in mind. It is deliberate and has purpose.
While I cannot guarantee that my promise to get to the other side will include achievement of the objective I have in mind in the short term I believe it will in the long term.
And even if it doesn’t, well I can’t give that idea any shrift because I won’t find the energy to do what I must do.
So I am using force of will to push myself ahead.
Almost shaved the beard off as part of the symbolism of change and given the shorning of the locks upon my head it felt reasonable.
Still might do it and still might not.
Doesn’t really matter because I can grow it back pretty damn quickly but do I want to give into impulse?
A little bit.
Maybe even more than a little bit but I probably won’t. In spite of what some claim I am pretty disciplined in some areas.
Nothing comes without effort and without work. I don’t care how lucky you are, there is something in your world that required effort.
And with that I end this post so I can go sit and read or stare at the wall. Cursing Monday for coming too soon.
