I thought about telling Bubba that June is coming because some walls can’t continue to stand some moments last forever.
Thought about sending a note via smoke signal, telegram, telegraph and telephone.
Thought about the secret men and women who walk through secret gardens and some messages still get through be it two hands wrapped in hair so eye contact is made or pixels.
Took out a piece of paper and handwrote a note just to make sure I still could and after the ache in my hand passed I noticed the older and more familiar one remained.
Made a mental note to reach out to the internist to ask for an opinion on when to do an in person physical and one for the eye doc.
It is almost time to find out whether the dry eyes require more advanced measures and to check on the cataracts that have taken up residence.
They tell me the pollen count is high and attribute more dry eyes to that and maybe that is all this is but I am short on patience for some things.
So I am preparing to take action because I am done with not feeling as good as I feel I ought to. I may be almost middle aged but I am not close to dead…not yet.
One of my dad’s first cousins commented on a picture a different cousin posted. He pointed out his parents, another cousin, my great grandmother and my paternal grandparents.
I said when I look at my grandmother’s face I see my father and my cousin responded that if I want to see dad I should look in the mirror.
So I did and I saw a guy with glasses with a questionable prescription, a couple of strands of hair and very different color eyes than dad had.
I see aspects of the old man in me, but I really don’t see him in my face. Similar frame, same hands and feet and some similar gestures but I am not sure I see the rest.
Although I have heard from a few others they see a physical resemblance it feels peculiar to hear it.
And it is very strange to see myself and feel like I almost don’t recognize that guy.
It is not a complete surprise to me because so much has happened I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t have changed me.
So many profound life altering moments during the past 10 or so years and more happening now. How could I not change and be changed by it.
That reflection in the mirror reminds me of how much I miss the gym and how badly I want to buy some more equipment for the house.
They tell me the gym will reopen in a few weeks but I wonder how am I supposed to feel comfortable going inside there.
If it was just a few people I might think about it because I could wipe the machines down but it won’t be just a few and I won’t be able to tell people to go away.
So unless they show me tests and a plan I might have to make alternative arrangements which is why I want my own equipment.
Have to figure out some solution and some adjustment because I need better than I have got.
Working on a new story, listening to this while I think about the details.
Feels like an appropriate time to make some changes and start a new path. Feels like time to be writing a new story and to focus on an adjusted path.
Think I will.
