People keep saying they are working at home during a crisis and I keep shaking my head because we are living through a crisis while working from home.
There is a distinct difference and it is worth noting just as when you take a look at your life and wonder how you have had a certain Shmata around for 18 years of it.
In concept it makes perfect sense because when you get to be a certain age some people and things come along for the ride and yet when you think about how many don’t because of life choices and who knows what.
So turn on whatever music moves you and ask yourself the hard questions that are appropriate for such times as now when you take stock of who and what is important to you.
Think about whether some stories are written in full and which ones may have endings that have to wait.
Not so long ago the shirt I am wearing now felt a little tight and I would sometimes mutter a curse at the hands that shoveled food into my mouth and the teeth that chewed it up.
Today I put it on and discovered a better fit and stood there dumbfounded because even though I have upped my exercise I can’t see any changes.
I feel a little bit stronger, but not in the way I wish so I almost hesitate to share my success because I haven’t a way to confirm it.
Haven’t measurements that I can use to compare and use to say I have done what I set out to do.
Given the quarantine it almost seems disingenuous to say this has happened because sometimes it feels like there is food in front of me constantly.
But maybe not, maybe I’ll call Helen Reddy and tell her I am taking over the song and changing the title, “I Am Man, Hear Me Roar.”
I am pretty good at that, been known to issue my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.
****
Put in 3.5 miles after a half ass dinner and thought about whether I ought to try and double it.
Thought about whether pushing a little bit harder might yield the dividends I am looking for but restrained myself.
Not because I couldn’t do it but I had a familiar feeling that told me if I tried to double it I would get to seven miles and figure I might as well do 10 or 11.
That concerned me because I feel the miles in ways I never did and I wondered if it would have a negative impact upon the rest of the week.
Wondered if I have worked my way back to where I need to be to push like that or if that whisper was ridiculous.
Had it been Saturday night I might have done it anyway because it wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t finish until 1 or even 2 AM. Wouldn’t have mattered if I felt a little beat up today because I pushed a little too hard.
But it is Sunday night and though I fight hard against time there is fighting intelligently and fighting stupidly.
I’d rather demonstrate some maturity and sense of growth, not for you but for me.
Ask me if I know things and I’ll say damn right I do.
Not because of bravado or ego but because I damn well know things. I know my gut and I know this and that.
But if I have learned a damn thing during 18 years it is also that I don’t know a damn thing and that Socrates is correct.
So I say everything and anything while admitting to knowing nothing because every time I think I have it figured out something proves me wrong.
It is part of why I circle around the blogosphere writing posts here and there. There is a certain freedom in being a Jack-of-all-trades even if I am a master of none but my domain.
Beyond all this and all that I know the world on the other side of this is going to be different but how different remains to be seen.
There was a time when I thought about homes here and in Jerusalem and now I wonder if there is going to be just one.
Hard to say today what tomorrow will be even when we want to so for the moment I am content to say I am going to do my best to enjoy the ride.
It is a wacky world and I’ll be damned if half the things I have lived are stuff I could have predicted so who knows.
One day you wake up knowing you were kissed and one day you wake up being told you did the kissing.
Is there a difference between the two?
Maybe or maybe not.
The bigger question to me isn’t who did the kissing but whether you liked it. Don’t get lost in the minutiae, enjoy the moments while you have them because it can all change.
