Turn on the music, lean back with my eyes closed and consider whether the morning is going to hurt or not.
There were 11 of us on Zoom, men I have known for an average of 36 years give or take. We brought drinks, toasted each other and laughed at some of the same old jokes we have been telling since we had full heads of dark hair.
And now for the first time since this quarantine crap started I feel the absence of real engagement more strongly than normal.
Turn on the music, lean back with my eyes closed and think about whether I want to be more direct and more bold in some areas.
I can feel and see a wall in front of me. Can run my hands across it, feel the texture and have a sense of just how thick it is.
My gut says I can pull this down if I want to. Don’t have to use tools, just my hands and the patience to work.
Close my eyes and think about what lies on the other side and ask if I want to roam the gardens and walk through that world. I know the answer.
Pretty sure I’ll spend part of the morning in a hot bath, soaking and thinking about a million different things.
Maybe I’ll turn on some music and listen to songs I might use in a story or two, assuming I am not distracted by the impact of the prior evening.
Could spend some of that time thinking about how good this last season of Ozark was and how much I have enjoyed the writing.
Might focus some of that laser focus of mine on storytelling and how to create a better tapestry of tales and imagination.
Maybe.
Throw on another song that takes me back to other places and spaces not because I went looking for it but because it was on the same page as the prior one.
A superstitious man might call it a sign and another might call it nothing more than the coincidence of things found online.
****
Such a strange day.
Pulled off something amazing this morning and was so very pleased with my accomplishment. Didn’t gloat or run around bragging about it, just sat in gratitude.
And then the late afternoon came bringing a storm not of my own making and I found myself wondering how the morning could have gone so well and the afternoon so…not well.
My irritation was enhanced by the knowledge that I didn’t cause the storm and that I was stuck in it because of something someone else did.
I need no assistance in getting into trouble nor have any interest in finding it unless it is of my choosing.
I sort of like this song, call it a guilty pleasure. It is not particularly good and the lyrics are ridiculous but it reminds me of driving down a road with endless blue skies.
Endless blue skies and the ability to travel without concern for microscopic enemies sounds ever so nice to me now.
I am ready for a real vacation where I can get out and see things. A vacation with experiences.
Had a conversation not long ago about a good vacation. Some people talked about the luxuries they have to have to feel like they are away and I thought differently.
“Doesn’t matter where you are if you are not a fan of your traveling companions. They can turn a great vacation into something not so great and a not so great into something amazing.”
The people I was speaking with told me they thought I was crazy and I didn’t bother to answer because I don’t have time for some of the nonsense.
Got a very short list of people whose opinion I value and trust. Got a short list of those I want to spend time with and be close to.
If you aren’t on that list I don’t have the bandwidth to concern myself with your nonsense.
