The questions and comments come flowing freely and they contain a mix of profanities and compliments about who I am and where I come from.
Someone asks, “can you push any harder” insinuating I have a cranial/rectum problem and I laugh.
“You haven’t the foggiest idea how hard and how long I can push if I am motivated. When necessary I can go the distance.”
They tell me my bravado is useless and meaningless to them and I don’t respond.
Let them think they have won, I don’t care. The people that need to know I can walk the line do and if they don’t, well they find out.
It is ten years since my maternal grandmother died.
Ten years since the 18 month lull between grandma dying and grandpa deciding he had enough of this place.
Mr. Silver told me he talked to her every night and that I wasn’t going to be privy to those conversations.
I told him I didn’t want to know and reminded him about how he said they got married at 20 because grandma was a good girl.
He shook his head at me, laughed and said I was old enough to understand he was interested in more or he wouldn’t have hung around.
I told him I think grandma might say she was interested enough to decide to stick around and he laughed again.
“Your grandmother knew her mind.”
“Yes, she did.”
Words have power and meaning.
Sometimes I think about that in specific terms and wonder if I ought to focus my abilities with them about pushing out more specific messaging surrounding the current chaos.
People ask me if I am scared and I nod my head and remind them I won’t give into panic. Just not going to go there, it doesn’t serve anyone.
We are going to get through this pandemic in spite of Orange Mussolini and his cult. We are going to get through because there are millions who care and who have influence.
Some are ordinary citizens with extraordinary talents and some occupy positions of leadership.
There are people working world wide to find answers and we will find them, ideally before this becomes a bad dream that walks during daylights hours for tens of millions.
We got a late start so it is going to bad for quite a few and there will be no changing some outcomes. No rebuilding of lost wages and possessions because they lost all.
But it doesn’t have to be all of our story, not like that.
So we’ll work and we’ll push in a variety of areas and regardless of how it comes out do our best to feel like we did something that mattered, even on a small scale.
Because the little things add up and become big things.
And through it all I’m committed to doing more than just being dad and a good friend.
I am committed to reaching out to some people and saying things that need to be said and working on things to improve my mind and body.
Because I can push that hard.