Brother Pablo asks me if I did anything special on this day and I say I followed the tradition of no tradition.
The teenager had no interest in most of the current movies and we had already seen Star Wars so instead of paying to go see a flick by myself I stayed home.
We set out to grab some Chinese take out and discovered every Chinese restaurant close by had been taken out presumably by the holiday.
Due to time and multiple other factors we chose not to head to Richardson, Carrollton or Southlake where we understood other Chinese restaurants to be opened.
Somehow ended up driving down Main Street and were surprised by how many people were on the street and opted to keep driving for burgers at Flips.
It was the tradition of no tradition.
Brother Pablo asks what else happened and I tell him about how Howard Stern and Adam Sandler talked about what happened when they met their wives.
“So you listened to stories of romance. Did you share your own?”
“No, it was not the time or place. I have written those elsewhere.”
“And who shall read them and will they be appreciated?”
“Some have been read and others might be read soon or sometime in the future but whether they will be appreciated, well that is a question whose answer is based upon hope and perhaps fear.”
Brother Pablo nods his head and tells says if you do not feel some butterflies you miss one of the great joys of life.
“If you do not know electricity, you do not know living.”
****
For two or three days or maybe decades I have been in a take no prisoners mood and if you ask if it gets old I might nod my head.
But then again I keep wading back into the fray so maybe it is doesn’t get quite so stale or maybe it is easier to distract myself with this nonsense.
Maybe it is easier to control and that gives me energy to keep moving because it is one of the few things I can.
In three or four weeks life in the airport resumes for a bit and then slows down but it is unclear for how long.
There are mixed emotions in that, concerns, hopes and dreams swirling around because of the unknown.
A tremendous weight rests upon my shoulders and I wonder if I am correct in how to make it lighter.
I have a few ideas that I have yet to be able to test and until I do I am going to feel a bit crazed.
Sometimes I wonder if I have always been like this because I don’t think I have, but maybe I was and less self aware.
Certainly have a bit of PTSD from other experiences but a thick skin as well because I have always found a way.
Been writing almost daily for about 15 years or so now and can see the progress/growth in the content I produce.
Kind of funny to look back and think about how much writing I did in college and how it all sputtered out within a few years of graduating.
It is fair to say I unintentionally took a chunk of time off and then started up again.
Been struggling a little bit lately with thoughts and ideas about how it all intersects, choices made or not made, decisions second guessed years later.
Generally not what I spend time with, except time is such a big presence and so it envelops some areas.
Have to shake loose of this and push forward because there is nothing served by chasing echoes of the past.
Those ghosts can rattle their chains and moan, but unless I buy into their nonsense they have no power.
But the echoes of the future are a different sound and different situation entirely. They hold more of my attention.
I spend more time cocking my head to the side and straining to hear so that I can find them and see if what I find matches what I expect to find.
That is what I tell Brother Pablo and to this he raises a glass.
“We see with different eyes by night and follow our north stars, even if they can only be seen, heard and felt by us.”
