The eye doc says I have cataracts in both eyes but they are not ripe enough to require doing anything special yet.
Says that courtesy of age and the LASIK I had done to improve my vision some 18 years ago I now suffer from dry eye syndrome.
Doc says I need to take some Omega 3’s, use drops and drink at least eight cups of water per day to help with that.
During the same visit he tells me that I might want to consider wearing glasses at night and that they might help me see better during movies.
Weighed the options briefly and agreed to order the glasses and tend to wear them often and often confuse people who see me take them off and wonder why I am not squinting.
“I can see clearly now.”
Well, most of the time I can. If my eyes are really dry it is not as crisp as I would like and now at almost middle age I sometimes need reading glasses for some things.
Depends on time of day and how light it is, darkness is finally impacting things a bit.
A girl once asked me to explain “she is not much of a dancer but she sure can box” and I gave my best witty response.
It led to a back and forth and a comment that we had never shared a dance to which I replied “if we did you’d never leave and who says we haven’t.”
Some will call it silly and or ridiculous and some will find it to be exceptional because the wisdom of words always lies in the hands, er ears of those who hear them.
Been wrestling all week long with my own perception of self and have questioned my own intelligence because it has felt like I am smart enough to see that I am not quite smart enough to see things clearly.
Mentioned to a friend that I felt kind of dumb and was told I have never been stupid a day in my life.
Been thinking about that and how perhaps life would be easier if I didn’t have the sort of mind that picks apart what it sees and wonders how so many things work.
If I could be the kind of person who was happy finishing work on a Friday with a 12 pack and a television show maybe life would be easier.
But I am not that kind of person nor am I casting judgment upon them.
When the signs say do not touch I want to press the button and see what happens or at least be told in advance why we ought to keep our hands to ourselves.
At the office when I am instructed as what is and isn’t to be done I nod my head and remind them I might cross a few lines and color in places they don’t like if it furthers the good of all.
The beauty of old age is I am more circumspect about such things because I have learned there is no reason to push the envelope just to push it.
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It irks me to feel like I can almost understand something but know that I am missing a small piece.
To know or at least feel as if one thing is preventing clarity of thought aggravates me.
Sometimes I follow the guidelines of one Albert Einstein who said he is not so smart but that he stays with the questions much longer.
That I can do with some things, given the right level of interest I can focus upon them for years if necessary.
That has led to some success here and there, but not always the kind I wish for because sometimes the answer isn’t as interesting or as exciting as I had expected.
I am straddling worlds waiting for changes I set in motion to to either materialize or fizzle out and it is sucking…the…life…out…of…me.
Got chains wrapped around each paw and it feels like the trucks whose bumpers said chains are tied to are starting to slowly pull away.
My arms will soon be fully extended and we’ll find out if a body built for demolition can withstand the weight.
There was a time such a thing was of interest to me because testing my strength was important.
I want to say it is a young man’s game and that I have no need for it but it is a lie.
Part of me is still the uncivilized barbarian and ever eager to prove even if I am no longer as fleet of foot as I once was my strength remains undiminished.
It is not for you or any other that I hold this interest but for me and me alone.
And this is why I write, so I can see clearly now.
